Idiosyncrasies of Kingdom Hearts
by A.D. Williams
Summary: Let's be honest, KH, at one point or another, has made you do the 'WTH' look, right? Ever wondered how this or that was possible? Well, we'll leave it to the characters themselves to explain, since they'd know better than us!
1. The Munny Issue

Hey, you guys are looking lively! I've had a few questions with the world of KH ever since I first played it. Now, these are not to be confused with _qualms. _That's complaining. And in fact, these questions are meant to be on a humorous note anyways. I know at the end of the day, the answer to all of them are basically, "That's just the KH world," but for comedy's sake…we're going to have the characters try to explain things for us!

With that said, read it, like it, love it, and review it!

Disclaimer: I own none of the KH characters. Although I admit that I do own an Axel plushie. He must be getting bummed hanging next to my frowning Cloud poster…

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The Munny Issue**

Roxas hadn't been with the Organization long, and had barely even memorized everyone's names when Saix finally sent him out on his first mission.

He would've protested, but lacked the vocabulary to do so. Considering the short time that Sora had lost his heart, he himself had no recollection of any memories of his former self, and thus had also become hindered in speech.

Still, missions had to be better than being Xemnas's _dishboy_! In fact, he was the maid! And Larxene just loved making messes for him to clean up. That woman was the epitome of the word bitch.

Which, Roxas didn't know to call her that since again, his language was stinted, but I'll say it for him.

His first mission was with Axel, who had found him in the first place. At the current moment, Axel was going on and on about finding treasure chests and asking if he had anything memorized. Roxas' brain was just trying to process the new flow of words in general.

"So, you see, you have to find the treasure chests because they often hold things you might need in battle, like potions and such, got it memorized?"

"Yes."

"Good. Make sure you check pretty hard around each world too; they like to kinda hide, ha ha. Okay?"

"Yes."

"Is that all you can say?!"

"…yes?"

Axel shook his head sadly. "Fine, here. Repeat back what I just said about the treasure boxes."

Roxas stared up at him with wide blue eyes, trying to gather his thoughts enough to do as he had been asked. In previous days, Saix would grow impatient with him when he couldn't even say yes and would walk away muttering words that Roxas was sure were mean things.

"…You said…find the b-boxes…and um…because they have treasure in them. Or something."

Axel laughed again. "Hey, the zombie's catching on! Okay, let's go find your first treasure chest!" They had been sent to Twilight Town and thus he took off down one of the tram tunnels.

Roxas would later think that they caught the world on the good day since they didn't run into any heartless (later, there wouldn't be a mission where they would be empty), and soon enough, he and Axel found their goal.

Inside, as said, was a potion.

"Alright! We did it! Whoo! Yeah!" Axel cheered, over-enthusiastically. "Here, you keep it."

Roxas took it, then frowned. "That was too easy. I could've done that in my sleep."

Axel did a double take. "Whoa, the zombie knows how to get cocky! Alright then, fine. Next mission. You're gonna need munny if you want to survive in life. You need it to buy things from that teddy bear thing that seems to live in our Grey Room back at the castle, or for anything at any shops. Plus, I'm sure you have to be tired of looking at your boring room walls. Xemnas has at least been oh-so-gracious enough to let us decorate them, but he sure as hell ain't funding for it. So, you're gonna need munny for that too."

Roxas nodded solemnly. "Okay. What does it look like?"

Axel scratched his head. "This is gonna sound weird but…they're cubes. Like, yellow and blue cubes. You kinda absorb them as you defeat heartless."

Roxas might not have been a nobody for long, but he knew enough to know that that explanation was…shit. "You're right, that _doesn't _make sense. How do you absorb munny?!"

The redhead sighed, walking out of the tunnels as he talked. "Look, the jury is still out deliberating on this one, but let's just go with the flow here, okay? You defeat heartless, you get paid. Capeesh?"

"Oh, okay…but how do you spend it? How do you know the value of each cube? And how do you put them in your wallet to carry around? And what are heartless doing with cash anyways?! Wouldn't this be battery and assault plus robbery? Also—"

"Roxas! Enough!" Axel shouted, looking sort of high-strung and grabbing his head from all the questions. "I don't know I don't have all the answers! Just…leave it at that, alright?" He looked up to see the boy giving him a look that said that this subject wasn't over. Well then, it didn't take long for him to gain the ability to project his feelings, did it? And it was as though a dam had burst on his speech as well, making him quite the deep thinker. Looks like Axel had bitten off more than he could chew with this one.

"Hey, let's go get some ice cream. Then I'll _try _to answer all of your questions as best I can, caprende? But you live in a strange world with strange happenings, so you're gonna have to get used to these weird phenomena, got it memorized?"

Roxas gave him his first smile and nodded. "Sure, know-it-all."

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Alrightie, there's the first chapter! I so far have eleven subjects, so this is looking to be about eleven chapters long, as of now...which is fine, since my muse so easily dies on me, xD! Next topic: The absence of the laws of physics!

Please review!


	2. What Goes Up Doesn't Have to Come Down

Alrightie, chapter two is finally finished. Hope you guys enjoy it!

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**What Goes Up, Doesn't _Have _to Come Down…**

Roxas just couldn't believe it. After all the time he'd been friends with Axel, to find that he'd lied to him about his origins…and that girl's as well. She had made him promise something, to defeat the Organization, but he was finding it harder and harder to remember her. Now, what was her name again…Shiloh?

_Xion, Roxas, got it memorized? _Maybe using that technique would help him…as much as it also forced him to remember Axel's betrayal as well.

In his anger, he found himself pounding the pavement, on his way back to the Castle that Never Was to fulfill his goal of taking out the Organization and finally be able to be himself. Not a pet, and not Sora's Nobody. Sora could kiss his wrist for all he cared.

He was about halfway there when he was surrounded by a sudden group of neoshadow heartless. They were twice his height and quite nimble as well. He whipped out his dual Keyblades and smirked; he was faster.

He crouched low for a moment, then sprung into the air and slashed at all that jumped at him. Spinning and flipping, he took out anything he could reach, but for all his flipping was worth, they still kept coming. In the middle of his fighting, he noticed a shadow on top of a building (why the hell Xemnas went into such strange detail about their location was beyond him), and only the silver hair glowing in the moonlight gave away the person.

Riku.

They were actually rivals, but no matter. He'd enlist his help and then do away with him too. Jumping away from the heartless, he dashed over to the building. Running up walls was not something the Organization had taught him, and yet…it happened. The neoshadows continued to try to swarm him, but with effortless criss-cross strikes, he wiped out whatever got in his way.

On his way of running up the wall, Riku took it upon himself to jump off! As though it had been planned, he leapt off the edge, falling swiftly. _On second thought, maybe this wasn't one of my brighter plans, _Riku thought to himself as the ground rushed up to meet him. He 'looked' (as he's blindfolded) to Roxas just in time because the boy had thrown his Oblivion Keyblade at him.

_What the hell?! _

He was actually quite thankful for it, considering he wouldn't have been able to whip out his own weapon before the heartless devoured him. He swung the blade and vanquished most of the heartless before he'd even hit for ground. Roxas joined him a second later and standing back to back, they readied themselves for battle.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Riku suddenly said, holding up a hand and turning around. "How _did _you do that? I have to know."

Roxas blinked, then turned around as well. "What?"

"You ran up a wall like it was nothing! Like…you have plungers on the bottom of your shoes or something! Were you bitten by a radioactive spider?"

"Are you equating me to Spiderman?!!" Roxas asking in disbelief. "This coming from the guy that can see _perfectly _with a blindfold on!"

"Hey, many martial artists learn to fight blindfolded! It makes you rely on your other senses!"

Roxas was lost for words on that one. "Okay. We'll let that one slide. How come you didn't break your kneecaps when you jumped? I one time saw Xigbar do the same thing and it put him in the hospital for weeks."

"Um…calcium? Drink the cow, she's good for ya," Riku chuckled. "How the hell did you go all Matrix and stuff with your fighting?"

"The Organization taught me," Roxas said plainly.

"I'm gonna call bullshit on that!" Riku said. "I've been spying on you guys and the only one that maybe can boast on those sort of fighting skills is that redhaired guy."

"Axel?"

"No, Lexaeus."

"…I'm…not going to ask…"

Riku scratched his head. "You know…I fight damn well myself. I've never had a weaponry class, except for the sparring with Sora. Do you think…this makes us special? Like…The Chosen One special?"

"For having natural abilities that never had to be taught? Maybe. But if so, what's our destiny?"

Riku thought about it for a moment. "We…we can do whatever we like…"

"If you start singing a parody, I'm out," Roxas frowned at him. "Look, whatever. So what I can do flips and twists that should have my spinal cord looking like a pretzel by now, and that you can jump off of buildings and still be perfectly A-OK, and I can run up walls like I know how to control chakra in my feet like in Naruto, and you can fight blindfolded with _no _training whatsoever. I mean, I'm sure we've all seen stranger things, right?"

"Sure," Riku shrugged. "For example, Sora's hair has a mesh it needs to be kept in for two hours to get its shape. Try sleeping over at his house to wake up and see _that _when he's given you no warning about it! It's like his hair had braces!"

Suffice to say, Roxas was shocked, but not for long. "Nah, not as bad as seeing Xaldin dance to Tik Tok. In his bathrobe. Which is slowly sliding undone. That'll scar you forever."

Riku nodded. "Okay, you win. Soooo…um, we were about to fight these heartless?" They looked at the neoshadows. All of them had given up fighting them, some of them laying on the ground, tapping their fingers or their feet in impatience, others playing card games, and even more were standing around in groups, drinks in their hands and laughing at jokes.

Roxas and Riku glanced at each other before just quietly tiptoeing away…

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Heh, wasn't this a tad random? ^_^


	3. Wardrobe Malfunction

Oh yeah, I already have the next chapter ready! That didn't take too long, ^_^

Hmm…something that should be said here is that I make a reference to my first KH story Dehydration with the mention of 'paopu fruit juice.' Don't worry, I'm not saying you have to read it, but I didn't want ya wondering what the heck it is. It's exactly what it says it is…just with some side effects, xD!

There is a bit of a Birth By Sleep reference here, and maybe a bit of a spoiler as well…do forgive me for those that didn't want to know anything about the game until you got it. I'm trying to do the same thing though, so it's one of the very few things I know about the story line.

Alrightie, read it, like it, love it and review it!

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Wardrobe Malfunction**

"Riku, you gonna take that off?"

Riku shot a look at Sora, who was only staring at him with curiosity and worry. Oh…he was talking about the blindfold he had on.

Slowly, he reached up and undid it, blinking his eyes open for the first time in ages.

"What was that all about?" Sora asked him, referring to just why he felt the need to walk around like he was always ready to play 'hit the piñata.'

King Mickey walked up to them and, clarifying things in his slightly round-about way, said "His eyes couldn't lie."

Sora looked shocked and hurt as he turned to his friend. "And just who were you trying to fool, huh? Huuuh?"

Riku lowered his head in shame. "Myself."

"Riku…no need to get all emo. You have friends like us!" Sora ran over to the group of others and in turn, they each smiled and nodded in confirmation.

What Riku didn't tell Sora was that he was actually embarrassed with Sora's new company. Dogs, rats, and ducks are just…weird! Cool points reset to zero with them! And Sora was in the negative with how close he was to these…things. Even Kairi didn't look too thrilled about them. What about Namine and Roxas? What might they say?

With a shake of his head, Riku told him, "Have you forgotten? I'll tell you why. Because I'm not a total _nerd _like you!"

Sora spluttered, then yelled, "Say that again!"

"I'm not a total nerd like you."

"It was a rhetorical statement Riku. You weren't actually supposed to repeat it."

Now Riku felt stupid.

Just then, the moon of Kingdom Hearts gave a loud rumble. Over the ledge of Castle That Never Was, they could see a multitude of heartless beginning to draw closer. There wasn't much sense in defeating them there, since as long as the moon existed, they would simply multiply like rabbits. Or roaches. Or any other creature that there was just an unnecessary surplus of.

"What should we do?" Kairi asked.

"We must defeat Xemnas," Riku spoke for them. "He's the Organization's last survivor."

The group nodded in agreement with that assessment.

"Now…to ditch these," he said, referring to the Organization cloak. In a dramatic gesture, he grabbed the front of the robe, then threw it behind him into the wind. Underneath he wore a dark vest with the very bottom slightly unzipped, then a white and yellow smaller jacket over that.

Sora stopped taking in the rest of the outfit as something begged to be mentioned here. "Riku…this…I'm lost."

"And I'm in heaven!" Kairi muttered loudly, staring at Riku's navel. "Mmm mmm MMM!"

"KAIRI!!!" The Disney characters shouted.

"What?! I'm just…appreciating the view is all!" She huffed and turned away from them.

Sora was starting to mumble to himself as he paced back and forth. "A second pair of pants? Okay…but the ones he had on before were tighter than these ones…And a second pair of shoes…now that's just impossible! The rest is plausible at best…"

"Sora, you're starting to look like a quack over there," Donald told him.

"Your mom's a quack!" Sora said, pausing just long enough to say that, before going back to his muttering.

"Before you evoke the entire wrath of Disney, let's just figure out what the hell is wrong with you and get on with this," Riku said. "Now, what has you wearing tread marks into the ground like this? You didn't have any more paopu fruit juice, did you?"

"Hey! That was a one-time occurrence!" Sora shouted. "And if you guys had just told me there was a possibility of having hallucinations from drinking it, we might've been able to avoid that fiasco!"

"Anyways, I'm confounded by your strange wardrobe change," Sora continued. The rest were blown away that Sora would even use a word such as 'confounded', but he pressed on. "Okay, the top part is possible. It's a heavy cloak and it'd be easy to wear a shirt or two under it. But still. Look at the collar on the black vest. It sticks up too high. Your cloak was unzipped a bit at the top to show part of your chest, meaning the collar wasn't there.

"Then there's the pants. They're much bigger than the ones you had on before, meaning it makes no sense as to how you would've been able to wear them under the first ones. Also, who just wears arm warmers or whatever that white thing is, right under their gloves? That's a fashion accessory! It's not needed! Meaning you planned this outfit out for when you threw off your clothes! You whore!"

Riku gave him a shocked stare and turned his head sideways in confusion. Sora was losing it.

"And lastly, the shoes. Any and all explanations that might've been able to cover for the clothes come to a halt when it comes to the shoes. There is just NO WAY to wear two pairs of shoes like that. None. Whatsoever. So do explain to me, oh dearest friend of mine, how you went from those black boots to the shoes on your feet now."

Riku blinked at him for a moment, then said, "Is it not possible to just possess some magic to be able to change my clothes at will?"

"That's too simple!!!!" Sora yelled. "There's more to it! You're a witch! Burn the witch!"

Riku reached out and slapped him.

"Ouch! I'm not going crazy, damnit! This does not compute! And magic is a lame excuse too!"

"Okay Sora, fine. No magic. And yet you can wield a Keyblade…how?"

"I…" Sora faltered, realizing there wasn't a logical explanation for everything he and his Keyblades had been through.

"Plus, I'm sure your parents would love to know where you've been the past year instead of at school. I already have my excuse ready. Kairi does too. What's yours? Because you can't tell them the truth. Really, do you think they're going to fall for you've been out saving the worlds of Disney from darkness and now you're best buddies with Donald, Goofy, and Mickey Mouse? Would _you _believe your child if they came home with a story like that?"

"Yes! Because it's true!" Sora told him. Riku sighed and rubbed one of his temples from a headache.

"I forgot how gullible you are. And yet, here with the clothes, the one time I need for you to be gullible, some sort of hidden detective gene in you awakens and you're all over this. Look, _we _know magic is behind all of this. Evidently, we possess some. I was given some from Maleficent and Ansem. You were given some from...I don't know."

"Cousin Ventus," Sora suddenly said.

"WHO?!" The others asked.

"Cousin Ventus…he was a legendary Keyblade wielder in my family. Well, the rest didn't know except me, and he was pretty widely known around the worlds. But…he died one day when he hit himself with his own Keyblade, releasing his own heart and thus, since I was the one holding his body as it happened, his heart went to me. That's why Roxas looks like him."

Everyone stared at him for a moment, before Kairi said, "Okay, he's lost it people. Sora's out of his mind, back in five minutes."

"Er, anyways…" Riku cut back in. "So that's the source of your magic. But we still can't tell the 'rents this. They're like…muggles to us being wizards. That's how my clothes changed. End of story. Got it, Sora?"

"Phew, for a moment I thought you were going to say, 'got it memorized?' Roxas keeps saying that as a tribute to Axel or something," Sora sighed. "And fine, if we want to blow off everything with the perfectly sensible answer of _magic _then I'm game! Now, let's finally continue!"

They marched off through the rest of the castle. Standing far above them and watching them was Xemnas. He turned halfway around and glanced back at Kingdom Hearts. "And I thought _I _had issues…"

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One day, Cousin Ven (yes, you must capitalize the 'Cousin' too! It's his title!) will probably be a short story that I'll do, based off of nothing from the game, simply because I like saying his name like that! Don't ask me where the heck the idea of him killing himself came from; I don't know how Ven loses his heart (AND DON'T TELL ME IF YOU DO KNOW!!!!!!), but I just thought him accidently committing suicide was kinda funny.

And this is explained in more detail on my profile, but I might wanna let you guys know that I'm no longer accepting anonymous reviews. I'm not trying to be mean here (and review numbers mean nothing to me, so it's also why I myself am not hurt by this change), but it means from here on out, you guys are gonna have to get an account or sign in, 'kay? It'd really, really be much appreciated!


	4. Hocus Pocus

Eek, it's been a bit of time since I've updated, gomen nasai about that. As some of you might've heard, I've finally started college! Whoo-hoo! ^_^ And thankfully, it's not kicking my ass. Yet. There's always a yet…

Anywho, I've finally gotten around to writing my next KH mystery, and am featuring some other characters…since here lately, even outside of this story, I seem to have hit a Roxas spell, O_o How the hell did that happen? Well, in my famous words, read it, like it, love it and review it!

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Hocus-Pocus **

"Forgive me for asking this, but why do we have to go to Castle Oblivion again?" Zexion asked. They were currently walking through a corridor of darkness formed from one of the portals and would soon arrive at the fortress.

"How negligent of you," Vexen scolded him. "Xemnas has instructed me to create a line of worthy replicas, should the real one fail to do his job of collecting hearts for us."

"Yes, yes…always about the hearts…" Zexion muttered while rolling his eyes. He looked up ahead to see Marluxia leading the way, his scythe out and over his shoulder to eliminate any heartless or dusks that might come along. Larxene was walking unusually close to Axel, and walking more like…a bird of some sort, sticking her chest out way in front of her. Axel would glance in the general region every now and then, but other than that, he showed no interest.

Lexaeus brought up the rear of the group, folding a piece of paper in his hands. When he was finished, he quickly caught up with Zexion and tapped him on his shoulder. Zexion turned around, all to have some sort of paper pyramid with numbers on four corners of it shoved in his face.

"Oh, Lexaeus, tell me you're above this!"

Being the silent person that he was, Lexaeus only grunted and pushed the pyramid in his face even more.

Zexion sighed. "Fine, whatever. I'll indulge in your mindless game—"

Lexaeus lowered the origami and glared at him.

"Er, I wasn't calling _you _mindless! Just the game…you know what? Let's get this done and over with."

He studied the numbers on them, and picked the lowest one. Fifty-seven. And yes, that was the lowest…the highest being over nine-thousand (points to who all can name that anime reference).

After Lexaeus had moved the folds of the pyramid back and forth fifty-seven times, he held it open for Zexion to pick another number. This time he went for sixty-two. More shuffling and several minutes later, he held it open yet again. Zexion was at his wits end with the toy and just randomly pointed to another side, not looking at the number or anything. Lexaeus grinned and flipped open the fold that he had pointed to.

"'You're my best friend'," he read out loud.

The boy gave an angry blink. "Lexaeus, you wasted my time for _that_! Some random crap you could've just told me ten minutes ago before we started playing that stupid ga—"

"'And you are also going to die relatively soon'," Lexaeus finished. He folded the paper up and put it in his pocket, staring at him.

"Okay, that's just sick," Zexion told him, walking away quickly and shaking his head. At least those things weren't true…no way they were true. Lexaeus had written the 'fortunes' himself! The only legitimate person that could _maybe _tell the future was Luxord, but mainly his power was limited to only stopping time, not seeing into it.

A week or so later, Marluxia had successfully lured Sora into the castle and thus their mission could officially begin. Zexion went with Vexen to gather Sora's DNA or whatever he needed in order to make these replicas.

From around a corner, he saw Vexen taunting the boy, telling him riddles that simple-minded Sora would never figure out, before they broke out into a fight. Afterwards, Vexen laughed a laugh that was the worst and creepiest laugh in laugh history, before thanking him for collecting some data and then vanishing. Zexion met him back in his lab so that they could begin the project.

"So, what did you get? Skin sample? Hair? Saliva? Toe nail clippings?"

Vexen's grossed-out flinching grew stronger and stronger as Zexion went down his list. "Heavens no, boy! I captured some of his memories."

"Wait, what?"

"His memories, child. Do clean out your ears," Vexen muttered, examining the blue card under a microscope.

"I think my hearing is just fine. It's your reasoning that I'm having difficulty understanding. Did you really just say you captured…his memories? But…they're intangible! You can't touch a memory, no more than you can touch a dream. Not to mention, wouldn't that imply that you can read minds then? Last I checked, that wasn't a gift any of us held. And what do his memories have to do with making replicas of him, anyways?"

Vexen set down the card on the table with a _click_. "Xemnas said make a _replica_, not a duplicate. Which, in essence, is practically the same thing, but still. It does not have to exactly _be _Sora, it just has to perform like him. That is all."

"Ohhh…so what's the purpose of that kid over there?" Zexion asked. He gestured over his shoulder to Repliku, who was sitting on the floor, holding Lexaeus' toy bear and ripping the stuffing out of it. Lex was going to beat the stuffing out of the kid once he found out.

"Riku Replica is just to mess with Sora's mind a little more, so Namine can do her job more effectively. As for his destructive tendencies…well, look to the real Riku for that."

Zexion gave a non-committal snort as the boy finished ripping out the cotton and proceeded with picking out the eyeballs. "Riiiiight…anywho, you didn't answer my questions. Explain to me how we're able to gather memories and make entire people with them!"

"You didn't read the Nobody Handbook, did you?" Vexen asked him, leaning over to extract a white vapor from the card and put it in a petri dish.

"The _what?_"

The blonde could only sigh. "When you first got in your room, there was a notebook on your bed, no?"

"No." Zexion said, answering the slightly rhetorical question.

"Well, there should've been. Check Xigbar's room when you return, I've been finding a lot of your literature in there…I guess he figures he's causing you some sort of pain by stealing them. Anyways, the book explains all the new abilities we as Nobodies share collectively, such as the portals of darkness, or hovering. You really should read it, quite interesting. It's probably the last vestige of Xehanort that can be found, since _Xemnas _is absolutely nothing like him."

"Sooo…if I used my own memories of, say, my parents, I could recreate them?" Zexion asked with hopeful eyes.

Vexen actually felt a pang of hurt for the boy. "I'm…not certain," he mumbled, turning away. "I wouldn't try it, since you'd forget who and what you were trying to create with your memories out of your head as you're working."

Zexion's shoulders sagged and he nodded with understanding.

Days later, Xion came into existence.

"Fuck!" Vexen screamed as he stared at her. "How the _hell _did Number i come out a girl?"

Xion gasped, then huffed loudly. "Well then! Good morning to you too!" She tried to stomp away, but could only hobble on her new legs. Falling on all fours, she decided to just crawl away.

The scientist sighed. "Come back here child, you're still completely nude. This Organization has quite the pervs as well, from Marluxia's constant touching of Namine to Axel's 'friendship' of Roxas." He reached over onto the table and threw a pile of clothes in her general direction, since he didn't want to look at her.

"Get dressed, learn to walk, and then come see me," he said, about to turn and leave.

Xion held up the pants, then tried to put them on her head.

Vexen glanced at her, afterward smacking his face. "They go on your legs, simpleton, not your head." She tried to do that, but without the ability to properly stand, she wobbled and fell down again. He tsked at her, "Why don't you at least get the cloak on? Then I'll help you with the rest."

After many tries, she finally was able to get the coat on. With her body finally covered, Vexen crossed the room and helped her to fully dress, trying not to wince as the girl dug her nails into his arm for a stable grip.

"There! _That _is how you get dressed. Now come along, we have work to do," he told her, basically dragging her out the room since she still couldn't stand properly. He passed by Zexion, who was standing beside the lab door. The boy fell in line beside them as they continued down the hall.

"Vexen…you still haven't answered my question and provided a scientific explanation. I'm not trying to harp on this entire issue, but I would really like some clarification. I would let it go if you only swiped his memories. That in itself is understandable enough. Hell, Dumbledore had a pensive that he would put his memories inside so that skilled Occlumist couldn't read them. Or maybe the old fart just had some terrible memories, but even he never turned them into people. Heh...clones of Dumbledore…Dumbledore's Army…wow, I've gotta stop reading those books…"

"But Vexen, really, this is ground-breaking. I mean, you could patent this sort of thing and sell it and become rich and famous! But people are going to want to know how you did it. And _I _want to know how you did it. And evidently Xemnas isn't good with doing it because then I don't think there'd be any need for the rest of the Organization because Xemnas would just create his own Org with his clones. Oh gods, that's a scary thought! More than one Xemnas would be the cause of half the world being in mental asylums!"

"Boy, he talks a lot," Xion whispered to Vexen.

"Yes, he most certainly does," Vexen said, casting a frown at Zexion. "But he's just baffled about your existence. Pay him no mind, dear."

"Okay…but where _do _babies come from?" She asked.

Vexen blanched and froze. "Ummm…uhhh…errr….uuhhh…" He cast a pleading glance at Zexion, who only smugly crossed his arms and backed away.

_Explain that! _The boy smirked, and turned and walked off. Not knowing how replicas were made was worth the price of seeing Vexen squirm as he tried to explain the birds and the bees to someone. Now try having to imagine to explain this to multiple replicas! Yes, quite enjoyable indeed.

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Chay for the Zexion spotlight, ^_^ And maybe this is a bit of a BBS spoiler, but I did read on Wikipedia that Zexion's parents are indeed dead and that Ansem (the one that looks like Luxord's dad) took him in, since he knew his father, who used to be another apprentice of his. Yeah…poor Zexy is an orphan, :(

But you can at least make him feel a little better by reviewing, xD! Thanks for reading!


	5. Cloaks and Daggers

There's three elements in this story that I touch up on instead of just one, which is why it's so long. Does not mean this story is any shorter because of it though, ^_^ Enjoy!

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* * *

Cloaks and Daggers**

"I am most pleased that all of you could join me here today for this glorious occasion. Welcome, for you are all now members of the elite group of Organization XIII."

Xaldin raised a hand. "Elite? Don't you think that's a bit cocky? We haven't even done anything yet!"

Xemnas scratched his head for a moment, looked at his finger, then flicked whatever was on it off. "True, but I hand-picked all of you and I'm confident that you will perform to outstanding levels. I feel it in my heart that I made the right choice."

The entire group grew quiet and it took everything in Xaldin to hold back from correcting him on so many levels. One, he did _not _hand pick them. They all just happened to lose their hearts together and not even everyone there for that matter. Larxene sure as hell wasn't present, and neither was Demyx, who was holding a hand mirror and trying to get a fallen strand of his mullet to stand back up, his tongue sticking out the side in concentration. He could spot a few more faces that hadn't been there that fateful day when all the members of Ansem's court had lost their hearts.

And the second point really didn't need to be pointed out at all. Xemnas was still speaking as though they had hearts…which Xaldin would later find very ironic considering how against mentioning them Xemnas would become in the future. Although he would forever maintain his melodramatic speaking voice. Compliments of Xehanort.

"Now, I know most of you are also wondering how you will be able to fight for me," Xemnas continued. "I have taken the time to examine each of your elements and have chosen the best weapons for you. I do hope you find them suitable." He held out his palms to the side and two red light sabers appeared. With a satisfied grin, he curled his fists up, making them disappear again.

_So he gets badass lasers. What do the rest of us get? _Xaldin wondered, watching as the man lifted his arms above him. There appeared a circle of rushing items. As he slowly lowered his arms, the items did as well, circling around him. After a moment, they slowed down and several strange objects could be seen. He seriously hoped he got the purple guns. Man, he would be completely cool with those!

"To my second in command," Xemnas spoke. "Xigbar, the Free Shooter. You get the arrow guns."

_FUCK! _Xaldin screamed.

Xigbar stepped forth and tried to take the guns, but his hands went right through them. "Hey, what the hell?"

"Oh, sorry, those are just holograms," Xemnas said. "I'm not terrific with arts and crafts so I couldn't actually make them, just pull the images from my mind to show all of you. Anyone here good with handicrafts?"

"Heh, as if!" Xigbar scoffed. "Hell, the last time I even picked up a pair of scissors I…lost an eye…" he finished lamely, frowning at the memory. "Anyways, I doubt any of them know anything about welding weapons."

"I can help come up with a better design plan for them," Marluxia said. Xaldin gave a hard blink at the voice. Holy crap, it _was _a guy! For the longest time, he was scared to find out if it was or wasn't!

"The concepts you have seem alright, but really, those tools are seriously lacking in depth," the man said, flinging a strand of his flowery hair over his shoulder.

"That solves nothing, Miss Sunshine!" Xigbar snarled at him.

"Miss _Sunshine?_" Marluxia said. "Look who's talking, Popeye!" The two bickered and argued back and forth with each other, throwing random insults.

"I can make them," Lexaeus spoke up, applying glue from a tiny bottle to his paper mache Eiffel Tower sitting in his palm. "I've taken a few welding classes back in my day."

Everyone blinked at him. "R-really?" Xigbar asked, pausing from his pulling on Marluxia's hair.

"Think you can make all of the weapons?" Marluxia asked, his finger still jabbed painfully in Xigbar's good eye.

Lexaeus shrugged. "Not totally certain. I mean…I made my own car." He pulled out his wallet and flicked a picture from it at them. Xigbar caught it and whistled. The car looked like an exact replica of a Viper. "But weapons are more detailed. I'll try though," Lexaeus finished.

He's just being modest, Xaldin figured. To build his own car from scratch was a feat few could claim.

And so Lexaeus set to work, using Marluxia's more detailed blueprints. As he worked, he blared classical music on a stereo system in the basement, a stark contrast to the loud sounds of the saw and hammer.

When he was finally finished, he put them on a podium and covered them with a blanket. Calling everyone to order (instead of Xemnas), he gathered them together for the unveiling. "I'm not completely certain how well I followed Marluxia's design plan, but I did try my hardest," he mumbled, his head down as he read a book about childish projects, looking through wireless glasses perched on his nose. "Also, Marluxia, I took off all the flowers on the weapons. I'm sorry, but I really found them quite redundant."

The Graceful Assassin poked out his bottom lip in a pout.

Still without looking up at anyone, Lexaeus reached over and pulled the sheet off of the podium. He did register the "Ohhh's" and "Ahhh's" from the crowd. As one, they all bum rushed to the stand and he simply stood back and let them fight like dogs over the _labeled _weapons.

Xaldin fought to get to the beloved guns again, hoping to maybe trade Xigbar for whatever his weapon was to be. Xigbar indeed did grab his weapon, the lances, and paused to stare at them.

Xaldin pointed up in the air and fired one of the guns. It knocked out the lights.

"Damnit, Xaldin!" The Free Shooter said in the dark. "Give me those!" He snatched the guns away and Xaldin felt a bundle of slender poles shoved in his hands instead. "Now, can we get some lights in this place?"

Everyone with light abilities suddenly used them. Larxene held up a ball of lightning, Axel sent out several small flames to light up the corners of the room, and Xemnas, wanting to be of use, lit up his ethereal blades.

"I'm a raver!" The leader said enthusiastically.

Roxas and Xion looked at each other and sighed. "Nobody thought _we _could do anything, did they?" Xion muttered.

"Yeah, you know, considering we wield _light,_" Roxas said. They held up their Keyblades (which hadn't needed to be commissioned by Lexaeus) and within moments, the entire room was flooded with brightness much stronger than the original bulbs.

When Larxene, Xemnas and Axel gave them frowns, they both just smirked cheekily back.

Finally the weapons were given to their appropriate people, and the frenzy died down. Xemnas stepped forward again, clapping for attention. "These are marvelous, Five. On behalf of the Organization, we all humbly thank you." He gave the man a sweeping bow that Lexaeus didn't see, since he was reading up on how to make an eggplant casserole.

"Next we must distribute our robes," Xemnas said. "I've been working on them for awhile and now they are ready." He was already wearing a black robe and now he put the hood up on it. Immediately, the facial area became completely black.

Xaldin looked around, waiting for someone else to point it out…but no one did. He sighed. Looked like it was again up to him. "Superior, that should be impossible," he said.

From within the darkness, Xemnas asked, "And how so, Three?" The voice seemed that much more dramatic with no face to match it.

"C'mon, this room is way too bright to really hide your face like that from just putting on a hood. You mean to tell me that _all _of us can do that?"

Xemnas pondered it for a moment, then rummaged through the stack of clothes and tossed a cloak to Axel. "Eight, put that on," he commanded.

_Sir, yes sir! _Axel growled to himself. He just loved how he was now Eight. Not Lea. Not even Axel. Eight, like some convict with an identity number. He put the cloak on. This one had to have been made specifically for him, with the way it hugged his unnatural frame perfectly. Axel had always loathed his child-bearing hips and the way he looked thin enough for people to wonder if he was anorexic.

"Please if you will, pull the hood up," Xemnas said.

Axel softly rolled his eyes, but did as asked. He placed the hood over his face, then looked at the others. All of them had quizzically raised an eyebrow.

"That's impossible!" Vexen screeched. "If I put the hood up on any other jacket, my visage would still be visible. Plus, Axel's hair is _huge_! This does not compute…" He pulled out a pen and a small notebook and began scribbling down calculations.

"Er…right," Axel said. "You guys really can't see my face?" The others shook their heads. Axel grinned. "Cool! Now we can look like a cult!"

Xemnas also grinned. "That indeed." He handed out the rest of the cloaks, then loudly declared, "Let's go mess with the Keyblade Master! This ought to boggle his tiny mind."

Like in the movie _300,_ the members gave an "Ahh-oohh!" shout of joy and followed him into a portal to Hollow Bastion.

Hours later, they returned, laughing and drunk from their stop at the bar, where they'd had a long laugh at Sora's confusion and pathetic taunts against them.

Maybe it was because he was half tipsy, but Axel found that he couldn't wield his chakrams for crap. He threw them, but they always missed the target he'd set up in the castle courtyard, curving behind the object instead of through it. He worked on his angling and precision, proud of himself when he finally nicked the test dummy.

Confident in himself, he threw a blade with much more force, certain it was going to strike. It did, but as it came back, it barreled toward Demyx, who had just walked out of a portal.

"DEMYX, MOVE!" Axel screamed.

And you know what Demyx did? He screamed and covered his face, as though that would really help him. Axel couldn't bear to look. The poor boy was about to die and he was the cause of it.

But the scream of agony never came. He turned around to see Demyx standing bow-legged in fear, peeking out from between the hands over his eyes, shaking. "Am…am I still alive?" He whispered.

"Um…yes…" Axel said. He saw what the chakram had done. Demyx's beloved hair was now two inches shorter. The Melodious Nocturne was going to _kill _him once he found out. "Hey, I just realized there was something else that I needed to do. Happy you're alright buddy." With that, he disappeared.

Demyx breathed a sigh of relief and reached up to stroke his hair. That's when he realized it wasn't the length it once was. "Damnit AXEL!"

~.~.~.~.~

Later in the evening, Axel leaned over his room desk, trying to concentrate on his drawing. He'd have to ask Lexaeus to make it, but it would still be his own creation.

A knock on the door sounded and before he could welcome the person, Roxas walked in. "Whatcha making?" he asked.

Axel tried to cover it up, but Roxas simply slid the paper out from under his arm. "A…Keyblade?" He turned the paper in several directions. No matter how he thought of it, it still looked like some odd sort of Keyblade, the entire thing resembling his chakrams. "Axel, only Xion, Sora and I can wield Keyblades, silly," Roxas laughed. "What the heck could you possible do with one?"

Axel chuckled with him, but his eyes looked sad. "Who knows. Maybe someone would be happy to have it. Got it memorized?" He rubbed Roxas' hair before gently pushing him toward the door.

Once he had left, Axel carefully put the name of the Keyblade at the top of the paper: Bond of Flame. With that done, he left to go ask to have it made.

* * *

Forgive me that this switched so much between several people. I wanted Xaldin to have some shine time since I don't think I've ever really focused anything on him, and same for Lexaeus (minus me quickly mentioning him in some stuff, like last chapter).

Reviews always appreciated it. Thanks!


	6. Bromance?

This chapter is probably one of the most controversial chapters in this story and also has been asked by many people perhaps on here as well. You'll know what I'm talking about in just a bit. Go ahead and read it, ^_^

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Bromance?**

It had been such a long way coming, but finally, Sora could feel it was near the end. At least he hoped. He'd already defeated two members of the Organization (that he could remember anyways. Due to Namine putting him to sleep and configuring with his memories, he forgot all about the events at Castle Oblivion). He wasn't sure what had happened to the rest of the ranks, but if their appearance at Hollow Bastion was anything to go by, it would appear that there weren't a lot left out of the supposed thirteen.

With a determined look, he ran into the looming castle in The World That Never Was, but was stopped when a glowing arrow was shot directly in front of him. He came to a skidding halt and looked around. "Who's there? Who else wants a piece of me?"

Donald and Goofy looked at each other and gave sardonic expressions. Somewhere within the year that they'd been traveling together, Sora had suddenly become quite the cocky little bastard and thought he could take on the whole world now. What the boy seemed to forget was that they weren't just there for show; Sora needed them! Maybe for once they should let him fight on his own and see how he fared then.

When another shot was fired in front of Sora, he had the sense to look up and there he spotted a man with a long gray and black pony tail, sporting an eye patch.

"Roxas! Have you been a good boy?" The man asked.

Sora paused. "Who the hell is Roxas?" he asked Goofy and Donald. They shook their heads, just as puzzled. "Look old man, I think you have the wrong person."

"Heh, sounds like you haven't," the man said, sadly shaking his head. Then he realized something. "OLD? That's it!" With that, he commenced to rapidly firing the gun.

It was somewhere within this battle that Sora learned that mysteriously, he could change into a brand new outfit with new abilities. It made little to no sense even to him, but considering Xigbar was going completely trigger-happy, he wasn't trying to figure out where the gray and white suit had come from. When at last he got in the final whack with his Keyblade, the man fell to his knees, dropping those dreaded guns.

"Okay…who the hell…is Roxas?" Sora panted, leaning on his own knees so that he didn't totally crumble like he wanted to. His everything was hurting from the battle.

The man looked at him with his one golden eye and chuckled. "Wouldn't you like to know," he said with a mischievous grin before fading into the darkness.

"Well wasn't that absolute bullshit," Donald muttered.

"Donald! Watch your mouth or Disney will cancel your show! They did it to Chip n' Dale; trust me, you don't want to be next!" Goofy advised.

_So that's the biggest worry for Disney characters? _Sora thought. _A canceled show? Well…I guess I can understand…_

They continued upwards into the castle, each hall looking practically identical to the one before it. That is, until they came to a certain room. The Room of Existence. There were a total of thirteen stones, but more of them were a cold blue than the vibrant red of life. Someone had tried to act like they had a heart by placing flowers and cards on the graves of the dead. Sora knelt to read one of the cards on the grave of...Larxene? It read, "Bitch, you owed me money! I'll let it go this time, but there IS a place that Nobodies go when they disappear and you can bet I'll be looking for my funds then. Love, Luxord."

"Wow…that's cold to demand money even in death. Some love," Sora said, putting the card back down. He picked up another one from the grave of someone named Zexion. "Gonna miss ya, buddy," the card read. "I hope wherever you went, it has all the books you could ever dream of and it's always quiet so you'll never be bothered by people like me and my music, haha." The card was signed 'Demyx'.

Sora felt a slight tugging on his sleeve and looked to Goofy, who pointed to another stone. Axel's…who had only passed away a few moments before. Something in Sora gave a sharp pang and for a brief second, he almost wanted nothing more than to fall down on the grave and sob. He held back though, with immense strength. It's not what Axel would've wanted. Instead, he said a quick prayer, hoping he too found solace wherever Nobodies went in the after life, before giving his companions a determined nod and setting off again.

They had made it to perhaps the fourth floor when Saix decided to make a guest appearance. He blabbed on about Kingdom Hearts (product of being around a certain melodramatic silver-haired man) before snapping his fingers to conjure more hearts. "All we need is one more helping from the Keyblade and our Kingdom Hearts should be complete."

Sora was ready to fight again, despite the hellish battle Xigbar had put him through, but froze when he saw Kairi on a balcony above him.

"Sora! Hang on, I'll save you!" She yelled.

"Kairi, don't! You can't fight! You're a girl! Girls never fight!"

She didn't listen to him, and put a foot up on the ledge, ready to try to spring into action.

"Guys, come quickly!" Saix suddenly shouted. "She's gonna jump! She's actually going to do it!"

Within seconds, the rest of the Org appeared, looking eager as they leaned on the railing.

Not wanting to disappoint, Kairi jumped.

The Organization roared with laughter.

"HA! She _did _do it!" Luxord laughed. "You SO owe me, Xemnas! I told you she was going to try to play hero! I told you!"

Xemnas growled and handed over the money. "Twenty bucks says she doesn't make a single dent in the amount of heartless," he grumbled, trying to get the money back.

"I don't care if she does or doesn't. I just wanted to see her jump," Luxord said wisely, not playing into his plot. He turned around and disappeared again, and muttering more cusswords than a sailor, Xemnas left as well, Saix behind him.

If they'd stayed to watch, they would've realized that Kairi indeed did take out a few heartless with the girly Keyblade that someone in a dark coat had given her.

Sora paused and stared at it. It was gold with flowers on the handle and the blade. Vaguely, he remembered a Nobody that had an obsession with flowers, but couldn't place a face or name. And how was that guy able to make a Keyblade anyways? Speaking of which, how was Axel able to make one as well? He was about to pull out the Bond of Flame, but he was pounced from behind by a group of heartless. He could've sworn he heard one say "Surprise butt sex!"

It took Kairi to come over and knock them away before he could get up again. And yes, it was a very mighty blow to Sora's pride. A _girl _had saved him. He'd never live this down.

After they'd defeated all of the heartless, Sora walked up to Kairi. "Wow…you've changed," he said.

That wasn't enough for her, and instead, she ran into his arms, hugging him tightly. With a tight squeeze, she whispered in his ear, "This is real…"

He nodded, and hugged her tightly back. He was happy she was safe and sound and with him where he could protect her. Or…her protect him. Yes, that second one was probably more correct.

Sora looked at the remaining Organization person that'd actually been helping them. Maybe not all of them were bad? Granted, how can anything without a heart be good? He began to charge at him until Kairi shouted, "Sora, don't! That's Riku!"

His feet squelched like brakes and he skid, practically crashing into the guy in front of him. He looked up into the darkness of where the face should've been, narrowing his eyes. "Riku…? Is that really you?"

The man sighed and pulled the hood off. He looked nothing like Riku.

"Kairi, I think you bumped your head too hard or something when you jumped. That's not Riku," Sora told her.

She growled and whacked him with her Keyblade with just enough pressure to get her point across without mauling him. "This _is _Riku. Here." She took their hands and placed them on top of one another and all three stood silently as they did some soul searching to find out the truth.

_Not more of this heart stuff, _Donald thought. _I think I would've made an excellent Nobody! Fowey! I would've damn sure made a better Keyblade Master than _him!

Once the spiritual session was over, they looked at one another. Sora's eyes opened wide, like seeing the sun for the first time (Wait a sec, isn't that the way imprinting in _Twilight _is explained?). With a gasp, he fell to his knees, still holding onto the man's hand.

"Riku! Riku's here!" he sobbed, clutching the hand in a death grip. "I looked everywhere for you!"

Riku frowned and tried to tug his hand away, but Sora fiercely gripped it tighter, absolutely refusing to let go. "I didn't want you to find me," he said, trying to wiggle his hand from the glove at least. "Sora, I'm losing circulation to my fingers…"

"You could've given me a sign!" Sora blubbered, pulling the arm down and wiping his snotty nose on the sleeve.

"Was that a Breaking Benjamin reference?" Kairi asked. Sora ignored her.

"I missed you Riku! It's just been soooo fucking long!" Sora threw back his head and wailed pathetically.

"Sora…really, you've gotta stop," Riku said, now all but punching the boy to get away. "And you can stop dry humping my leg too. It's having the opposite effect on me."

Sora, sniffling, finally stood up. "I just don't understand why you had to hide from us. Why wouldn't you want us to find you?"

"Well, partially because I didn't want _this,_" Riku said, making a gesture to emphasize on that particular moment. "What the hell Sora? When did you get so emotional?"

"Better question," Kairi interjected. "Why did I get a crummy hug and you basically gave him a make-out session with his hand? You haven't seen either of us in the same amount of time either. I was kidnapped and thrown in a dungeon! Riku's tough, he can fight! We saw that last year when he decided to say screw you, I want more power. I could've been killed or raped or something and you wouldn't have even cared, so long as you got _Riku_!"

"Um…well, Riku's been struggling with the darkness in his heart," Sora tried to amend. "I hadn't seen him in so long, there was no telling if he'd been consumed by it or not."

"I WAS KIDNAPPED, DAMNIT!" Kairi yelled. "Does that not account for anything? He _wants _the darkness! I wanted to be back home, but the twiggy redhead decided to just manhandle me and dragged me here! Oh, and by the way, whoever those people in Twilight Town were, they suck! Hayner and Pence at least made an attempt to tackle Axel, but Olette just _sat there _and let him take me! She did _nothing_! Some frickin' friend!"

During her entire tirade, she'd been swinging her Keyblade around, making everyone back up or duck or else they'd become beheaded. Riku whispered in Sora's ear, "I think she has anger management issues…"

"I do not!" Kairi screamed, hearing them. She ran at him and instead of running away, he simply froze her in a blue energy sphere.

"I think you're right," Sora told him, giving the girl a cautious look as she quietly banged on the soundproof walls.

"Actually, she was never like this until Namine came along," Riku said. "Kairi got a Nobody when her heart was released during that fight with Xehanort last year, remember? Anywho, Namine…is sweet. But a bit defiant. And a deviant at times as well…Ansem and I have had our hands full trying to get her to listen to us, but, well, you see how well that worked out. Now the two have joined and thus we get slightly psychopathic Kairi."

It was then that Sora knew he too had a Nobody and perhaps this Roxas person was it. If so, he trembled to think what changes the boy would bring about in him.

_It's already happened,_ a voice whispered. Sora straightened up fully, looking around. "What's happened?" he asked.

"Who are you talking to, Sora?" Riku asked. He'd finally released Kairi from the bubble. Seething, the girl sat on the ground away from them, stroking her Keyblade lovingly but giving them extremely hateful glances.

_The change you're afraid of, _the voice said. Sora was able to have the sense now to know it was coming from his head and quit talking out loud. "_What changes? How do you know?"_

_ You wouldn't remember any of this, but you once went to a place called Castle Oblivion. There, your memories were taken from you bit by bit. The girl Namine did a good job of erasing everything that happened there from your memory, but what she couldn't fix was taken by the Organization and used to form a sort of replica of you. Eventually, this person died…sorry, _she _died. When she did, the rest of your memories were returned to you, and so were hers. During her lifetime, she had grown…quite fond of Riku. I guess you're getting her runoff of emotions. _The voice snickered at this last part.

Sora pulled away from the mental conversation and stared in horror at Riku. "What? I didn't do anything," Riku said, giving him a cautious sideways stare.

"Oh gods, this can't be true!" Sora screamed dramatically, clutching his head like Demyx in his final moments. He dropped to his knees and began banging his head on the floor, trying to get what his Nobody had been implying out of his head. "I won't! I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't!"

_When you get back home, check out a little website called Fanfiction(dot)net. Oh yes. You will. _

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sora cried and thus dissolved fully into tears.

"What's his problem?" Kairi asked, coming back over.

"No clue," Riku shrugged. "But I'm gonna get going. Sora's starting to make a scene and it's quite embarrassing." All four of the others walked on, leaving Sora to anguish in the mental torment that Roxas was presenting by quoting Soriku ficts.

* * *

Yep, this is how all of those stories got started. It's Xion's fault! xD!

Anywho, whether you do or don't like yaoi, this was another major focal point to me with this game. Now if I could only come up with something this creative to explain Akuroku…

Reviews are always, always much appreciated!


	7. Fashionista

Whoo, it's been a while since I've updated. Forgive me for that. A cross between school and June gloom has really sucked the creativity out of me. Anywho, I finally have been able to focus on a new chapter! The first half is KH1 era. The second half is KH2. Hope you all enjoy it!

**

* * *

Fashionista**

Fashion was never Sora's strong point, but he did know one thing about it: zippers were all the rage on Destiny Island. You weren't cool unless your outfit somehow contained at least five zippers.

"Um…I know it's supposedly a fad now," Kairi stated, scratching her head in puzzlement, "But don't you think you took it a bit _too _far?"

"Maybe," Sora said, chuckling. "But I'm sure to be the most popular guy at school like this!"

Riku suddenly grinned. "Alright. Let's all hit the movies in celebration of Sora's certain ascent to popularity." They headed off for the theater, Sora strutting proudly beside them.

Once there, Riku stepped forward and asked for tickets to a new movie, then turned to the others. "Okay, cough up. I'll pay for the lady, but Sora, you're on your own."

"Oh gee, thanks!" Sora fumed. He reached into his pocket to find his wallet…but it wasn't there. Okay, maybe it was in the other one…no, not there either. He zipped and unzipped each fold everywhere, searching desperately for the wallet. When at last all thirty of his zippers had been examined and he couldn't find it, he gave a sheepish shrug to his friends. "I…guess I left it at home, heh-heh…"

Riku face-palmed while Kairi rolled her eyes and paid his ticket for him. As she brushed past him to go into the theater, he distinctly heard her mutter, "If you didn't have all those frickin' zippers, you might be able to keep up with your shit."

Considering Kairi rarely cursed, this offended Sora quite personally. At least the movie provided a distraction and wanting to win her back in his graces, he yawned loudly and was about to wrap an arm around her shoulder when he saw Riku glance at him from her other side. The boy shook his head in a "Don't even try it" sort of way, but what did he know? Sora, ignoring him, went ahead and put his arm around her. Immediately, Kairi jerked around, grabbed his wrist and was _this close _to snapping it when she realized who it belonged to.

In a huff, she threw the arm back to him, then glared at Riku. "What the heck are you looking at me like that for?" Riku whispered loudly. "I didn't teach him something as lame as that!"

Sora held little to no knowledge about hitting on girls, which is why she figured Riku would've been the one to teach him such a classic (ineffective) move as that. "Only because this is the new Harry Potter movie am I not going to storm out of here, but you two better keep your hands to yourself or someone's losing some teeth," she said.

In frightened silence, the two boys kept their eyes to the screen.

School started that year and at fourteen, Sora was happy to be joining the high school with Riku, who was a year ahead of him. The two met by the school doors but the cool, laid-back expression on Riku's face as he leaned on the wall completely melted as he took in Sora's outfit.

"That monstrosity again? Sora…that thing has more zippers than the U.S. has zip codes! Nobody wears zippers anymore."

"Hater!" Sora called him, sticking his tongue out.

"Sora. Don't walk with me in here. In fact, I will give you the combination to my locker. Whenever you get tired of everyone picking on you, go ahead and use it and snatch some of the extra stuff I have in there. I have a feeling you're going to need it really soon…"

"But that would be me conforming!" Sora shouted. "Emos don't conform! Punk rockers don't conform! Rappers don't conform! So why should I?"

"Because at least they're trying to express something!" Riku shouted back. "Forty zippers on your clothes says _what_? Not a god damn thing!" With that, he ripped open the front doors and stomped away.

"Tch. What does he know? He wears suspenders and parachute pants. Ew."

Sora went inside the building and was immediately stopped by a looming arched device and some adults in blue uniforms. Destiny High had metal detectors? What the hell…

He knew that the metal on zippers wasn't enough to set them off so he amicably strolled through the arch. Of course it went off anyways.

"Son, gonna have to take a look at what you have on you," one of the guards said. "Empty your pockets."

Sora had nothing in them, and had to go through the long process of unzipping each pocket to prove it. He tried discarding the jacket to the outfit, but the alarm again went off. Well…the shoes had zippers on them too and he discarded those. It went off again. With a frustrated yell he said, "Fine! You want me nude? Here!" He grabbed his pants and completely ripped them off, standing there in the school foyer with nothing on at all.

At long last, the alarm didn't go off.

Suffice it to say that the guards were quite mortified. Sora snatched his belongings out of the holding basket and stalked down a hallway, getting dressed as he went. Others saw him and screamed, yelled, gasped…but Sora didn't care. He looked at the paper Riku had handed him and made a beeline for the locker. Inside, he found non-zippered clothes and gratefully claimed them.

And thus ended that fashion trend for Sora.

~.~.~.~.~

Only a year later though, a new craze hit the island. Or…according to only Sora again, it did.

"Straps!" the boy proclaimed one day. "Zippers set off alarms but Velcro is totally metal-free! And you can make them all sorts of colors so I don't look like a walking reflector with all the silver now."

"Uh-huh…" Riku said as they sat on the paopu fruit tree that leaned over. "And what about wearing the huge clown shoes? Why do you always wear those?"

"The ladies think you're well-endowed with a huge shoe!" Sora told him.

Kairi spluttered on the ice cream she was eating, stumbling away as she coughed.

"Well, you wear huge shoes too!" Sora pointed out to her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Comfort!" she gagged out.

"Ohhhhh…"

"Sora, I think you just stole a fashion trend from Yu-Gi-Oh," Riku told him. "You know…the literal chain around the neck. What's with everyone thinking that they're badass? And it's the _softest _of people at that!"

"Hey! I'm not soft! I'm totally badass!" Sora fumed.

"No, _Roxas _makes you _seem _badass," Riku clarified.

Inside Sora's head, he heard a snicker. In return, he gave Roxas a mental middle finger. "I am too totally badass…" he muttered to himself.

Sora would never stop trying to be innovative in clothing styles and eventually it paid off. He's now Lady Gaga's costume designer.

* * *

I love random musical artist references, ^_^

And the main gist of this segment was to poke fun at the strange outfits of KH. Hmm...I wonder how Riku's KH2 outfit would be received in today's world? Kairi would seriously be considered a model probably (KH2 outfit as well), and Sora...well, um...you read what happened to him, xD!

Please review!


	8. Habla Ingles?

Whoo-hoo, a long chapter! Well…I mean, I guess that's a good thing. It means my muse co-operated with me, xD! I feature a new person, someone I rarely ever write about in any of my stories and I feel bad for it. He deserves a long chapter ^_^

**

* * *

Habla Inglés? **

Luxord was not pleased with his assignment of today. Due to the other members being sent on missions more suitable for their elemental powers, he had been given the mission of creating a powerful heartless in the Pride Lands. For the past month, Vexen had been grilling him relentlessly on learning at least cursory questions and answers in several languages and customs that he might come across in Africa.

The location itself was hellish enough. A Sahara, long fields of grass with little shade. And go figure he had to do this in the midst of July heat. Unfortunately, he still had to bring the heavy black cloak since he had to protect himself from the darkness of the in-between realm when traveling by portals.

And even this wasn't the worst of it. The worst: he was made to transform into a lion so as not to be spotted.

He held up a paw and turned it this way and that, then gave a heavy sigh. "A bloody lion. Since when was Organization XIII in the fursona business?" He shook out his limbs to get used to them a bit more, and then began running toward a large stone formation in the distance.

He had to admit, the new speed was amazing. His eyes picked up so much more than they had as a human. And his sense of smell! And…instincts. He could smell the carcass of an animal maybe two miles away and was half disgusted with himself when his mouth began to water for it. But he would not allow himself to become so primal. He still retained his human mind and planned to follow it, meaning no pit stops to eat…whatever the hell that delectable animal was.

Soon enough he reached the large stone structure and could spot at the top a cave opening. He figured this was the lair for the lions that resided here and didn't want to risk being killed by just storming into the fortress. Instead, he announced his presence by roaring.

_Whoa, quite impressive! I say, maybe being a feline isn't so terrible. King of the jungle…and a roar that commands respect!_

The lions came out of the cave, but he noticed there was only one male. The twenty others were female. Looked like somebody was quite the ladies man!

"Who are you?" The male asked him. Luxord could tell by his voice that while not a teenager, this was a very young lion.

Wait, _how _was he able to tell this?

"Do…you speak English?" Luxord tried.

The other lion blinked in confusion, then laughed. "What's 'English'? You understand me, right? So we must speak the same language."

Luxord frowned and like a cub, sat down on his bottom and turned his head sideways in confusion. "Yes, but I'm from Eng—um, not from this part of Africa, I mean. I was not aware that others spoke the same way here."

As if his near blunder hadn't already put him on edge, he didn't feel any more comfortable when one of the females sidled up beside him, then slunk a circle around him, provocatively rubbing herself against his side. _This is madness! I'm getting hit on by a _lion!

"I like your accent, outsider," She said to him. "England, huh? Didn't know they had lions in England."

"D-did I say England? I said Africa!" Luxord said, trying to keep his voice calm. If he blew his cover, he was outnumbered. They'd rip him to shreds.

"Yeah, yeah. I might've been born at night but I wasn't born last night," the female said. "I know that accent. British guys come here to hunt us all the time. Let me guess, you were in one of those…what are they called? Zoos? Yes, you came from a zoo, didn't you?"

Maybe he knew nothing of lion society, but Luxord had the sense to know that a lion raised in a zoo would never survive in the wild and that lie wouldn't do. Instead he said, "No, wild life reserve. My parents died when I was a cub and I was taken to England and raised there, then they released me back here. My habitat there resembled the lands here close enough so I'm still able to hunt and survive."

"Ooh, impressive," the woman purred.

Luxord hid his shudder of disgust and turned back to the male. "I was simply wondering if there were any abnormal presences here, powerful beings, anything along those lines. I'd, um…like to take down such a kill and present it to my pride so that they may recognize me as an alpha."

Again, he ignored the female who sat forward eagerly, as though hearing the greatest news on earth.

The male shook his head. "No, can't say that I've heard of such a thing. The pride lands are pretty quiet now that my evil uncle has been banished from them. Sorry I can't help you, stranger. Oh, my name is Simba by the way."

Luxord knew better than to reveal his name and simply bowed to the king. "I thank you for your time regardless. Well then, I must be on my way. Farewell." He turned around and ran back the way he'd come, but didn't miss the pining whine the woman gave at his retreating form. Lion love. He shuddered again.

Two weeks later, Luxord was in Agrabah, an equally hot ass place. Fitting in wasn't as easy here as just turning into a lion and instead he was wrapped in white robes and for extra measure, wore a turban.

_No terrorist jokes, Luxord_, he chastised himself.

He set out down a side street of the bazaar, taking even more caution to not stick out on the main roads. He pretended to look over the goods on sale, stopping to examine a blue beaded necklace that would look quite lovely on Larxene. For all the crass attitude she gave, he knew his beau would adore such an item. With the meager earnings Xemnas gave them, he spent his on the jewelry.

Just as he was about to put it in his pocket, he felt a tug and the necklace was ripped away. A small monkey squawked loudly in his face, waved the item teasingly, then ran off.

"Unhand that, you villainous cur!" He shouted. Well, so much for blending in. There he went again reverting to his old English dialect. He took off after the monkey, hopping up on the top of one of the seller stalls and then into a random window.

He landed in a bedroom, startling a woman practicing flute or something (he didn't stay long to find out). He turned to her and asked, "Ma'am, have you seen a monkey?"

In a damn-near perfect American accent, she said, "He-he ran that way!" and pointed to the room door.

Luxord tipped his...er, turban to her and headed in that direction. He ran down the hallway, hopped over the top balcony and landed in the living room area. He felt terrible for smashing the coffee table, but this too was pushed to the back as he spotted the monkey. He launched over the couch and dived headfirst out of the living room window where the monkey had been sitting.

Instead of tackling it as he had hoped, he did a roll onto the top of another bazaar stall, then landed nimbly in a crouch. He saw the primate teasing him again from down the road and sprung to his feet after it. _I suddenly feel like James Bond,_ he mused.

He tempted his luck by running across rooftops, zip lining clothing lines and pulling hand-to-hand combat on the city guards that tried to take him down from the disturbance he was causing. _Now I really do feel like a secret agent! _

He finally was able to corner the monkey in a back alley. Ripping the heavy robes off, he revealed that underneath it, he had been wearing a black suit (what time he had to change from sandals to polished black shoes is a mystery). Smoothly, he pulled a gun from the inside of his coat and aimed it at the creature.

"What the hell are you doing?" Someone yelled. A young man jumped off of a low roof and stood defensively in front of the monkey. "Who are you anyways?"

The blonde smirked. "The name's Luxord. Agent Ten, Luxord." Oh, he'd _always _wanted to say that! "Your little furry friend here seems to be in possession of something that's mine."

"So you're going to _shoot him_?" The boy said. He turned to the monkey and said, "Abu, give him back whatever you took. Really, you'd honestly risk death for it?"

The monkey gave a humanoid sigh and held out the blue necklace. Luxord quickly stepped forward and took it. "I appreciate that. Now if you two would line up against the back wall over there, I can finish you off and be on my way. You know my identity and I can't let you go alive."

"Take us as hostages?" The boy suggested.

"Nah. Nobody gives a care for male hostages. Especially if one of them is a _monkey._"

The boy looked rejected for a moment, until he said, "My name is Aladdin. I'm pretty wanted around here since I sometimes, um…steal a little here and there to get by. Just turn me in, I'm sure to live out a life sentence in jail or something. They're pretty harsh with the laws here. I'll never see the light of freedom again and you don't have to worry about me saying anything to anyone about you."

"_That _is a lie!" Luxord said, aiming the gun at the boy's back as he stood facing the wall. "You could be released for giving information about me. I must kill you here and now so you can never tell them about…wait a bloody second." He lowered the gun. "How do _you _speak English in a perfect accent too?"

Aladdin glanced behind him and upon noticing that Luxord had lowered the weapon, he turned around. "Er, English is the main language of the world."

"Yes, but it's not _your _language. This is, what, Saudi Arabia? Wouldn't Arabic be the main language? Fine, let's entertain the idea that you're bilingual. But I seriously doubt you're bilingual to the point of sounding like an American native."

Aladdin looked at Abu for a moment then shouted, "Let's make like a banana and split!" In a flash, they had scrambled up the alley wall and escaped over the roof tops.

"American catchphrases as well!" Luxord shouted. He conjured a portal back to the castle, shaking his head the entire time.

A month went by before he was allowed to travel anywhere other than Port Royal, Jamaica, where the common language of English was more understandable there for the locals.

This time he was shipped off to Twilight Town. Finally a place that wasn't hot! Instead of trying to make a powerful heartless (that job had been given officially to Xaldin), he was here to make nice with the people and look into a few mysteries about the town.

One of his first stops was a wall that would randomly throw balls at passerby. He went to the location and examined the wall, but didn't see anything strange. "Where the hell do people come up with such strange myths?" he muttered to himself, and turned to leave.

Just as he did so, a white ball flew from the wall and smacked him hard against the head. "The hell?"

He turned back to the wall and received a face full of balls (go ahead and laugh, you know you want to). He tried to fight them off, but his cards were useless against them. Shielding his body as best as possible, he ran from the alley.

"What in Queen Elizabeth's name was _that_?" The balls had stopped flying out from around the corner and Luxord wasn't keen on going back to try it again. He decided to check out the next mystery.

The steps leading to the train depot supposedly held a different amount going up and down. He really had to wonder what the hell this had to do with making Kingdom Hearts, but Xemnas seemed to really want him to check them out. Mainly because as leader, he claimed that he 'unfortunately' couldn't do it himself and thus basically, Luxord was sight-seeing for him.

_Ugh. Tourism. _He began counting the steps going up and came up with twenty. He went back down them and got…nineteen. Now wait a minute. That's not right…

He did it again and again came up with the same amount. He noticed another person that had also been going up and down the steps a lot and the boy looked thoroughly confused. As they passed each other, the boy looked up and said, "This doesn't make any sense, ya know? They're different amounts going up and down! This is so totally knarly, ya know?"

"Um…yes?" Luxord replied. He frowned, then started his count one more time. In the end, he found out that he'd been counting the train platform as a step and thus is why he got more steps.

Yes, Luxord felt like a dunce. He looked to the other boy who was still counting them, despite his friends telling him (Ra, they called him) that he was just miscounting. The boy didn't look too bright and he felt even more stupid for really doing something on such an idiot's level. He crossed that off his list and headed to the next wonderment.

This one was about weird noises in the tram tunnel. He decided to ask someone about it to get a better picture of what he was dealing with here. There was a heavyset boy in a red shirt, standing around and having ice cream with two other teenagers. He himself looked friendly enough. The young girl might've been the girlfriend to the blonde boy and Luxord wasn't trying to deal with all of them if he could help it.

He went up to the boy and casually asked, "What do you know about the tram tunnel mystery? I'm touring the town and wanted to check it out for myself." It was actually the truth, which was new since he'd been taught to lie so much.

The boy smiled brightly at him. "Oh wow, you're a brave one. Most people say they will but never get around to it. Oh, my name is Pence by the way."

Luxord shook his hand and smiled politely but didn't offer his name. Unlike the Agrabah incident, these were clearly children and he'd feel horrid if he had to off them to keep them silent. "Pleasure to meet you."

Seeing him speaking to another stranger, the other two did just what Luxord was hoping to avoid and came over. "Hello there," the girl said sweetly. She had beautiful green eyes that reminded him of Axel. Er, not that he would ever say Axel had beautiful eyes! Or even think it! They just happened to be around the same shade is all…

The blonde boy huffed to the front of the group and instead of extending his hand to be cordial, he said, "What are _you _doing here?"

Cheeky children always needed to be checked. "I'm sight-seeing if you must know. I wasn't aware this town was only meant for the locals. How does one become a local anyway, without newcomers arriving? Ever thought of that?"

The boy snorted and crossed his arms, turning his head in angry silence.

The girl, Olette, apologized for him. "Don't mind Hayner. He's just protective of his friends." She giggled and flashed him another bright smile.

Hearing such an obviously innocent individual reminded Luxord that yet again, they understood him. The boy in Agrabah was right that English was a universal language, but where the hell was this anyways?

"Er, quick question," Luxord said. "What continent is this?"

The other three stared at each other, then back at him. "Where did you say you were from again?" Hayner said.

Aw, hell. Looked like Luxord might very well have to dispose of them. He discreetly reached behind him and took the gun he had on him out from under his shirt tail, but kept the hand out of view. "England. But I'm afraid I only booked the flight here at the suggestion of a close friend and never really looked at a map to see where it was in relation to England."

The three seemed to lower their alert levels and Luxord sighed in relief. He placed the gun back in its spot and put the hand jovially in a pants pocket instead.

"Well…um, we're on the continent of…" Began Pence, but trailed off. "Er, what continent _are _we part of?" he asked the others.

"Simple, we're not!" said Hayner. "Twilight Town is an individual world all on its own."

Luxord blanched. "_World? _You mean English then is an intergalactic language? Bloody hell, then you guys are aliens!"

The three looked at each other again, then turned back to him with serious expressions. "He knows," said Pence.

The other two nodded, then grabbed a flap of skin at the base of their throats and pulled. Off came masks and under them were huge green Martian heads with wide obsidian eyes. "Brains!" the once Olette said and lunged for Luxord.

Screw the seven wonders of Twilight Town; this beat all of them! In a flash, he whipped around and ran for it. The children aliens were close behind. Should he use the gun? They weren't humans so maybe it was alright. They _were _trying to eat his brain…it would be self defense.

Instead, he cast open a portal and made a mad dash through it. He didn't stop running until he came out the other side, into the castle lounge area. So absorbed was he in running away that he didn't notice where he was until he'd crashed into a table where Zexion had been building a card castle.

"Well, fuck!" the Schemer yelled and walked away. You know Zexion's mad when he doesn't take the time to come up with a sophisticated insult and just reverts to crude cursing.

But Luxord didn't care. The others stared curiously at him and when Xigbar asked what happened, all he could say was "Aliens!" Of course many jokes ensued from it, but Luxord found that the least of his worries.

Months later, Roxas would turn traitor in their eyes and leave the Organization. After a fight with Riku in which he shamefully lost, he was taken to a world where the sun seemingly never set, nor actually ever rose.

He made friends easily enough with a cute brunette, a rough-around-the-edges blonde, and a pudgy, albeit friendly boy with spiky black hair.

"Come play with us, Roxas," Olette told him. "Forever, and ever and ever…"

* * *

Okay, so things got off topic at the end of the story, lol! I figured Luxord had repeated his qualms about how the hell everyone was speaking English quite a bit for you guys to get the hint that that's what this chapter was mainly about. I would've used Japanese being the main language since KH was first Japanese, but with Luxord being British, he wouldn't have even known that (not likely anyways) and also, Disney itself was originally American, so that's why I used English instead.

But don't you find it kinda humorous how in each world, Sora knew the language? At the very least, the Land of Dragons would've had Chinese!

Points to who all can name what popular 80's horror movie Olette's last line came from ^_^


	9. Last Request

This is another highly debated KH subject. At least _I've _always wondered about it, and I'm sure at least someone else has too. Hope ya like it, ^_^

**

* * *

Last Request**

He wasn't going to make it. There were just too many of them. Sora looked around at the hoards of Dusks crowding in on him, then quickly thought of his friends. He wouldn't be able to say goodbye to them, but hopefully they would know that he'd tried his best.

Then a flash of silver few toward him and he had enough sense to dodge out of the way. Before the blade could even make it back to the owner, Axel hopped into view and was chucking his other chakram at another group. "Don't stop moving or the darkness will overtake you!" The man chuckled while fighting.

"Axel…how did you get here?" Sora asked.

"Instant transmission! Now get going!" Axel yelled before a group of Dusks tackled him to the ground. Sora shuddered in horror as one of them whispered, "Raping!" while attacking the man. He couldn't sit by and do nothing, so he fought off the creatures until he could get beside the Nobody.

"Strong little fucks, eh? They wobble but they don't' fall down," Axel muttered. He was panting heavily, although he really hadn't done a lot.

"Are you going to be okay? You…don't sound so good…"

"Need to lay off the cigs, but other than that, I'm fine," Axel smiled. He got back up, stumbled a bit, but held his own. "Let's do this!" he shouted out and jumped back into the fight.

Sora tried to join him, but Axel felt it necessary to zip all over the place spreading fire. Soon, the entire area was ablaze with he himself trapped in the center. "Axel! Give the flames a rest! We're not in Hell!"

If the Flurry of Dancing Flames heard him, he gave no notice as he ran around cackling like a maniac and spreading more fire in his wake. "Haha! Ya want some?" He delighted in throwing his chakrams and cutting off a few heads, shouting and jumping for joy…that is, until he felt tired out again and would have to pause and pant some more.

During that time, the Dusks would try to get in a few cheap shots, but Sora decided to protect the guy since his crazy running around made it impossible to really go off on his own and fight. After another half hour, it seemed they'd barely made a dent in the amount. In fact, Sora could've sworn there were even more.

"This…is the end…" Sora muttered sadly. He looked down to see Axel getting up from the ground after having been knocked down.

"Sora, listen…I kidnapped Kairi—"

"You WHAT?"

"Look, it was for a good purpose!"

"How the hell is kidnapping someone for a good purpose?" Sora held his Keyblade up, ready to strike.

"Just listen, would you?" Axel shook his head, not quite liking this boy. "Before I could even do anything—" Sora's eyes went completely wide and he mouthed _What the fuck!_—"Saïx caught her. He's a member of Organization XIII, my ex-best friend, has a cliché X shaped scar like Tsume from Wolf's Rain, acts like a rabid dog at times as well, and has pointed ears like an elf. S-A-Ï-X. Make sure you put a funny little symbol over the I, like you dotted it twice. And it's pronounced Sai-ex, not Saï_x_—"

"Okay! We get it!" Sora yelled. This was no time for a history and English lesson! "So, why are you telling me all of this? Aren't you coming too?"

Axel stood fully up and chuckled again. "Nah. Think I'll stay and handle these punks. Watch this!" With the grace of a deer (hey, you have to admit, that _was _a nice jump!), Axel daintily leapt into the air and landed amongst the Dusks. His chakrams floated beside him in the air and began revolving around in a circle faster as Axel started to loudly grunt. The ground shook and by the time Sora realized what he was about to do, it was too late.

"Axel! If you're constipated, just use a laxative!" He shouted out.

BOOM!

The explosion rocked the entire area, but when Sora was finally able to open his eyes again, all of the Dusks were gone. He crept closer to the prone floor on the ground a few feet away and knelt beside him. "Axel…you're fading away…"

"Well…that's what happens when you're constipated and you put all of your energy into a bowel movement." This only earned him a very grossed-out expression from the boy. "I kid, I kid. But hey…the attack worked, didn't it?" He gave a shuddering breath, managing only a light chuckle.

"Anyway, I digress," the man continued. "Go. Find Kairi. And I'm sorry for what I did to her."

Sora gave him yet another shocked look. He _really _didn't want to know what Axel had 'done' to her. Hopefully the kidnapping was it. "Well, um…when we find her, you can tell her that yourself," Sora said. He knew Kairi wasn't going to go for a second-hand apology.

Axel gave another chuckle. "Think I'll pass. My heart just wouldn't be in it, ya know? Haven't got one."

Sora frowned at him for a moment, then asked, "What…were you trying to do?"

Axel turned to face him and looked him fully in the eyes. "I…wanted to see Roxas. He's the only one that made me feel…like I had a heart." He paused for a moment, struggling with his words. "Funny…you make me feel the same…"

Sora felt something pound harshly within him and felt consumed with sadness. But instead of a gentle reassurance, he said, "That's gay."

Axel gave a wry smile and said, "Tell Roxas I said hello," then winked. Holding up an unsteady arm, he cast open a portal into the darkness. "Kairi's in the castle dungeon. Now go!"

"Wait a moment," Sora said, peering down at him and ignoring the portal. "You blew yourself up because you wanted to see Roxas? That doesn't make sense!"

Axel rolled his green eyes. "No, you igit. I kidnapped Kairi to see Roxas."

"How do the two even relate?" Sora asked, now sitting down and scratching his head.

At this rate, Axel's last words were going to be him cussing this child out. "Man, you're slow! Talk about blank with a capital B! Look, I kidnapped Kairi knowing you'd come after her. Then we could defeat you and with your heart gone, Roxas wouldn't have a host to return to. _Then _I would've been able to see Roxas. Got it memorized?"

"Ooohhh. Yeah. I think so," Sora said slowly.

"Good. Now let me die in peace." Axel closed his eyes and waited for himself to go.

"Wait!" Sora shouted.

Axel opened his eyes again, doing his best to convey his annoyance.

"Roxas is within me! You could've just asked and I'd have let you speak to him," Sora said. "Killing yourself just ensures you'll never speak to him again!"

Axel chuckled again and said, "You can't speak to a Nobody through an Other. Not fully anyways. Roxas isn't you nor are you Roxas. Now. _Please _let me die in peace."

And Sora actually was going to leave him be this time…until another thought came to him. "But wait! Are you basically saying that a life without Roxas isn't worth living?"

"YES! Fuck, I said it, happy? Boy, at this rate, I'm going to just take one of my chakrams and gorge my guts out!"

"Okay, but one more question! What…what does Roxas mean to you?" Sora said quietly.

The retort Axel had ready left him in a sigh. "Everything. He meant everything."

This time, before Sora could ask anything else, Axel finally faded away completely.

Sora stared sadly at the spot where he was until something crossed his mind. He reached into the backpack he carried for all of his items and pulled out a small device with a grid on it. "Hey, my gaydar is finally quiet!" he said happily, thrilled the incessant beeping it had been doing for the past hour had finally stopped.

Putting it away again, he walked resolutely into the swirling mass of darkness.

* * *

Heh, I saw a KH comic about a 'gaydar' that Sora had that went crazy when Axel was near…who happened to be looking for Roxas, xD!

Of course it's entirely possible for the two to have just been friends. After all, pedophilia isn't cool.

It's only in Japanese entertainment though that such laws be cast aside, lol! But hey, like with the Sora and Riku thing, maybe they were just friends. Either way, this is where the root of Akuroku comes from; blame Nomura and his choice of lines (or Sora's sobbing over Riku) for all of the confusion.

And one more thing…I've not yet played KH2 all the way through (I've mainly only watched the cutscenes). Can anyone explain why Axel was so damn tired during his last scene? He kept fighting and then would stop and look out of breath. Maybe his attack does take a lot out of him, but…I dunno…Ax is a young guy. He shouldn't be panting like that when he uses his abilities!


	10. Birth By Sleep

It's been waaaaay too long since I've updated! Gah, sorry for that. More muse issues, lol! I actually had written down what the next chapter would've been but as it turned out, I asked it in the previous chapter. Anywho, I feature another new character here! It's a tad run-on since it was written over a span of two days. Still, I hope you like it!

**

* * *

Birth By Sleep**

Roxas awoke from yet another dream about Sora. "Ugh…at the rate this is happening, you'd think my subconscious is trying to tell me he's my soul mate or something," he muttered. He got up and got dressed, trying to piece together everything he'd seen, the strange flashes of a life he couldn't remember.

An hour later, he was sitting with his friends at 'the usual spot', quite blissfully unaware that his buddies were indeed brain eating zombies (read chapter 8 for details). "Roxas, you're angsting again. What's on your mind?" Olette asked innocently.

"What? Oh…nothing. I just keep having these weird dreams about this boy. I've never seen him before. At least I don't think I have. And also—"

"No one gives a care about your stupid prophetic dreams," Hayner cut him off. "Man-up; the Struggle tournament is today! You and I have to make it to the finals so that one of us can bring back the championship trophy."

"Oh wow guys," Pence chuckled, "Hayner actually _does _have a nice side to him! He's not out for self promotion, fame and glory."

"Shut up, doughboy and eat your damn ice cream," Hayner huffed, taking a rather sharp bite out of his own treat.

"That's why you look like Guile's child from Street Fighter," Pence mumbled quietly to himself.

Another half hour later and Roxas found himself staring at an adult man with long silver hair and tanned features. He seemed to have a penchant for purple and was speaking to him. Roxas decided that perhaps it'd be best if he tuned in to what the guy had to say.

"Hey, rucksack. How about you throw the match and I'll make it worth your while?"

Roxas blinked. "I'm sorry, but what the heck are you doing here anyways? This is a tournament for children! Why are adults always ruining what's meant for kids? Like…children's trading card games! And just _how _are you going to make it worth my while? You ask me, that sounds kinda…pedo-ish."

The man frowned at him, then pulled out a cell phone. "Yeah, Xemnas, get Sephiroth on three way…you there Seph? Alright, this isn't working. The kid insists on fighting back. I think your Organization will be receiving some damaged goods, Xemnas." He flipped the phone shut, then readied himself with his Struggle bat in his hands.

_Receiving…damaged goods? An Organization? Who the hell is trying to purchase me? _Roxas growled to himself and readied his bat as well. A whistle was blown and in a flash, he struck out.

The two fought to get in blows on each other, Roxas being small and nimble but Setzer had reach with longer arms. In the end, Roxas decided low-blows would work best and attacked the man's legs. As Setzer reached down in shock toward a shin, Roxas wasted no time in swinging at his head a barrage of quick blows. Like a giant in slow motion, he fell down, bounced a few times, and then lay still in the ring.

The audience fell silent.

_Whoa shit, I killed him! _Roxas trembled.

The ref for the tournament walked up to Setzer's fallen form and put two fingers to his neck, checking for a pulse. He knelt there for a moment before pulling back slowly, then called over another man. He whispered in his ear and the other man's face sagged. They both turned to Roxas with haunted eyes.

Roxas didn't even wait to see what had happened. He whipped around and made a break for it! Once he finally reached home, he slammed the door behind him, locked it and then went directly to his room. He closed the curtains and only peeked out of a corner, ensuring that no one followed him.

"I'm a murderer," Roxas muttered. "I killed a man! With a foam bat! I-I never knew my own strength!" He felt the all too familiar beginning of depression and climbed under his blankets. He fell asleep sobbing, "It should've been me! It should've been me!"

~.~.~.~.~

He wasn't sure when he drifted off asleep but he quickly realized that he was anywhere but home. He was standing in an area that was completely dark except for the platform he was walking on. Several stained glass figures he'd never seen before were on the floor, the center one being a boy with brown hair and eyes as blue as his.

Before him appeared three objects. A sword, a shield and a magical staff. "And this is why they say crack is a terrible drug," he said in the silence, not surprised when his voice echoed back at him.

He looked back at the objects and was about to grab one when he looked up and noticed another person descending from the sky. It was the same boy from the middle of the platform. Sora, was it?

His first words when he landed were, "Oh no, I'm dead!"

Roxas winced at the magnified sound. "No…I don't think we're dead. Purgatory perhaps, but if this is heaven then…ha! In your face, Christianity!"

Sora scratched his head. "You have a one-way ticket to hell coming up," he told him. Then he looked at the floor. "Hey, whoever made this place knows me. And Riku, Kairi, Namine, Donald, Goofy and Michael Jackson. Someone's been spying on us!"

The blonde chuckled. "I'm Roxas. And whoever put us here, I think they also have a disturbing agenda for us as well. I've been having dreams about you."

Sora spluttered, then doubled over in a fit of coughing. "Dreaming about me? Oh, the implications!"

"Not like that, you idiot!" Roxas yelled. "Like…just random stuff. You trying to concentrate in math class and epically failing, or when you're using the bathroom and miss the toilet and also once when you were showering." Roxas stopped once he realized how all of that sounded. "Aw fuck, you're right…the implications!"

Sora was going to respond, but both of them noticed another figure suddenly drifting down from above them. This boy was shirtless and fell in such a way that it seemed he was more or less sleeping. He touched down on the ground on his feet, but didn't move, only standing there and snoring.

Roxas walked up to him, then gasped. "It's me! A…shirtless me," he noticed. "Are my nipples really that small? I look like a prepubescent girl!"

Sora gave him a disturbed look. "I'm _really _starting to wonder about you," he told him. Turning back to the other boy he said, "Hey, Ventus, wake up."

"Ventus? But that's me!" Roxas told him, confused.

"No. This is my cousin, Ven. He's actually supposed to be dead though. The guy has narcolepsy and he kinda fell asleep in the middle of us playing with our Keyblades one day. As he fell, he hit himself with his and it released his heart. I've been holding on to it for him since then."

Now it was Roxas' turn to give him a disturbed look. "Right. And that _totally _wasn't gay."

Ventus stirred, then woke up. "Wha? Where am I? What is this place? And why am I shirtless!" He tried to cover his chest with his hands, flushing in embarrassment.

"You're awake! And here! I'm so happy you're alright!" Sora cried out. He snatched his cousin into a hug and started crying on his shoulder.

"Um…hi, Sora," Ventus said carefully. "You know, I'm not exactly dead. You knew that. And I really don't appreciate your tears on my skin. Could you wait until I've got some clothes on?"

"Could you wait until I leave so I don't throw up?" Roxas muttered.

"Sorry," Sora sniffed. "I get emotional when I haven't seen someone in over three days."

Ventus rolled his eyes and looked around him some more. "Hey…this is our awakening station!"

"Our wha?" Both Roxas and Sora said.

"Awakening Station. All great Keybladers go through this! Terra told me about it and Aqua too. Now it's my turn!"

"Gee, don't wet yourself from the excitement," Roxas told him. "So this means we're great Keybladers? I've seen Keyblades in my dreams—"

"Of me?" Sora asked.

"…yes. Of you," Roxas regretfully added. He didn't miss the "Glee!" Sora whispered when he said that. "Anywho, I've seen Keyblades but never knew I was meant to wield one. But they gave us three options. I wonder which we're supposed to take…"

The three of them faced the floating weapons for a moment. Then Venus stepped forward. "I'll take the staff. My magical staff…"

Neither of the other two wanted to find out if that was supposed to be filled with as much innuendo as it seemed. Sora walked up to the shield and pulled it down from the air. "This'll do for me."

That only left the sword. As Roxas took it, he felt a sense of…pride? Perhaps it was the emotion a soldier felt when being knighted by a queen. And yes, he realized how lame that sounded but since it was his personal thoughts he figured it didn't matter so much.

Just as he was about to put the sword in a belt loop, a large creature rose up from the ground. It was silver and on its chest was a red and black symbol of some sort, representing a heart that might've been broken in half and turned upside down and the top part of it looked like Roxas' shirt zipper.

Ventus groaned. "We really should've seen this coming. Of course it wasn't going to just let us steal its things without a fight. Well, good luck to ya!" With that, he fell on the ground asleep again.

"This is NOT the time for napping, Ven!" Sora screamed at him. The creature struck out at them and the boy could only grab his cousin and drag him to safety.

"Guess we're on our own," Roxas smirked. "That's fine. I've been given an awesome sword. This should be a piece of cake. Mmm, cake…"

He rushed forward and took a swing. The sword broke.

"Yeah, this is some bullshit," he muttered. The giant Nobody (for of course that's what it was) knocked him off his feet, sending him flying across the platform.

"That's gonna leave a mark," Sora muttered in sympathy. He himself chucked his shield at the creature, but it only bounced off and skittered off the edge of the station. This time, he was the one hit and went flying across the room.

And all the while, Ventus only mumbled in his sleep and turned over.

Roxas got back up to his feet, gritting his teeth. "His stupid stuff is absolute junk. What's to fight us over?" Of course he never considered the possibility that it didn't belong to the Nobody at all. He ran charging back at it with a wild yell and instead settled for punching it. The Nobody stood there and stared at him for a moment, looking down on both he and Sora who was also punching.

With a bored yawn, he flicked both of them away.

Eyes stinging from the pain, Sora managed to creak one open and look over at his own Nobody. "Wow, I'm so stupid. I never realized it! We have to use reaction commands!"

"Sora, crack is wack man. Leave it alone," Roxas told him, finally straightening his body out. Now he was over a hundred feet in the air and falling fast.

"Press triangle, Roxas!" Sora urged him.

Now Roxas was thoroughly confused! "What he hell are you talking about?"

"Arrrgh!" Sora shouted in frustration. He reached above his head and pressed a yellow glowing button with the letter Y on it. Immediately his body did an awesome front flip and he pulled out a Keyblade. In seconds, he became an acrobat and jumped all over the place, landing multiple blows on the Nobody.

Tentatively, Roxas reached up and pressed the triangle above him. Like a kneejerk reaction, his body sped up and shot forward toward their enemy. He looked down and realized he had not one but two Keyblades! He randomly jumped back in the air with Sora and for a moment they stood back to back.

"Fuuu-sion-HA!" they shouted out and suddenly Roxas and Sora became one, showing Sora's hair but Roxas' clothing and still holding two Keyblades. Joined together, they finished off the Nobody quickly and watched as it fell to the ground and burst into sparkles.

Yes, sparkles.

Roxas pulled himself away from Sora, but the other boy wouldn't let that be the case for long. He immediately hugged him tightly, jumping up and screaming like he was on a football team.

"Augh, my ears! Shut up, Sora!" He yelled at him.

Sora pulled away with a sheepish grin. "Sorry about that. But we did it! We vanquished our first enemy. And we did it together!"

"Wow, that's not what I care to hear when I first wake up," Ventus said, standing up and rubbing sleep out his eyes. "Oh, hey, you guys got rid of that thing! Great! Now I'm free to return to return to my sleeping pod."

He turned to a door that had appeared upon the destruction of the Nobody. He pushed it open and a white light engulfed them all, making it impossible to see what lay beyond.

As it would turn out for Roxas, only thing it led him to was his bedroom and he woke up with a start. He looked around his room to ensure that it indeed was his room and heaved a sigh of thanks.

Until a hand clapped him on the shoulder.

"AHHHH!" Roxas screamed, trying to fight the hand off. But the person held him tight.

"Would you just stop fighting for one moment? You tossed and turned the entire time you were asleep too!"

He stilled, recognizing the voice. "Pence? How the hell did you get in my house?"

"Don't worry about that," he said. Of course he couldn't tell him that zombies harbored special powers that allowed them to appear in the most unlikely of places. "Look, I just came to tell you that Setzer isn't dead. You only gave him a concussion. You didn't really think you could kill a guy with a foam bat, did you?"

"I didn't even know I could give someone a concussion with a foam bat for that matter," Roxas said.

"Yeah, who knew," Pence chuckled. "But you still have the final battle to go. Gotta knock out Vivi and then we win! C'mon, everyone's waiting on you! And also you have to do this for your honor. Seifer hasn't stop shouting out 'Chickenshit Roxas' since you ran off."

Roxas went with him, but couldn't help wondering if his strange dream really meant anything. For the moment he brushed it off as nothing.

Until later that afternoon when he was to be confronted by Axel…

* * *

Heh-heh…fusion dance. DBZ reference FTW ^_^

I'm probably never going to get around to doing a full 'cousin Ventus' story so I decided this will be his spotlight. And if I'm not mistaken, he does do his 'awakening' thing with his shirt off. Found that kinda funny, xD! There's probably going to only be one more chapter, two if I decide to post a chapter about a question that KH2 answered for me (since I've finally beaten the game and not just watched all the cutscenes). I guess you can look at this long chapter as a way to make up for any other long absences I might have.

Oh, and seeing as I only have a PS2, I've never seen the reaction command buttons for the Xbox and had to ask a friend. I hope he told me the right one. It's why Sora's was yellow and not (my usual) green.


	11. Impromptu Piloting

This chapter is a tad bit run-on, but forgive me…yet again, lol. It's another one written over the course of a few days. BUT! I come baring awesome news that's probably going to piss off most people…

I HAVE BBS! I, who didn't think I'd have it until, gods, sometime next year! And people, I'm ashamed to say that I did a fangirl squeal when the guy at the store showed it to me (I had asked for a silver PSP and the BBS bundle was the only one there that had it). The guy thought I was going to be disappointed in it since he saw my face deflate with the suggestion of a Madden bundle, but ahh, he got the shock of his lifetime to hear my cries of joy! I've not touched it just yet…wanted to finish this chapter up and post it first.

So, you guys read and review this! I shall be squealing some more as I make it my life's mission to one, find Lea and two, pray like absolute hell Ienzo speaks. I want little Zexion to just say _one _thing. That's it! I have to hear his voice!

**

* * *

Impromptu Piloting**

It's not every day you wake up to find your entire homeland has been devoured by darkness. As though this weren't enough, your best friends start to act a little trippy once it happens. Riku had no qualms with embracing the dark and Kairi…well, being able to phase through a hug is just weird.

He himself had also been swallowed up into the storm and now…he didn't know where the hell he was.

"Ung…" Sora groaned, waking up slowly. He looked around and realized he was in a back alleyway behind a dumpster. "How much did I drink last night to pass out here?" he muttered. He sniffed his shirt and was happy that at least it didn't smell like vomit.

Sitting in front of him was a yellow dog of some sort. He couldn't tell what breed it was or if it even had a breed. Due to the sticky feeling on his face, he gathered it had probably been licking him. As he sat there, taking his time gaining his composure, the dog oh-so-nicely stuck its face in his crotch.

"Hey! There's nothing for you down there! I might be in a alley and look like a hobo but I'm not a whore! Unless you have money, that is…" He pushed the dog away and stood up, feeling completely violated. The dog sat down and whined.

Now that he had a better view, he didn't recognize anything from where he was. The buildings were different. In fact…it was as though the buildings were built within a dome of some sort. There was a roof above his head. Stumbling forward, he figured at least he could ask someone where he was.

As though hearing him, in very large and colorful letters above his head formed the words "Traverse Town."

"Huh. Well then. Wasn't that convenient," Sora snorted. "Alright then. Time to find Riku and Kairi! But first!"

He toured around the town and when he was finally done an hour later, his arms were loaded down with cheesy T-shirts and coffee mugs. "Kairi and Riku are gonna love these!"

He stashed them back behind 'his' dumpster and continued journeying further into the town, heading into the second district. The shops here were much less lively and looked deserted. Sora figured it wouldn't hurt to go inside a few places. While each store was brightly lit, never was there a clerk inside. Of course a few thoughts about five finger discounting came to mind, but he was a goody two-shoes and _never _would darling Sora _ever _be caught doing such a thing as stealing.

"Which is why you _don't_ get caught," Sora whispered as he walked away with a cheap Traverse Town keychain from a store.

Through the door of another house, he was horrified to find the place overflowing with Dalmatians. "Holy shit, someone has a major hoarding problem!" He knelt to pick one up, but was bombarded by the pack and nearly buried alive under all of them. "Avenge meeeeeeeee!" Sora screamed dramatically as the dogs rushed past him and out the door. Once the stampede was gone, he stood up and stumbled his way back out of the door.

Within the third district, he prayed he wouldn't come across anything else that would damage his body. But this is Sora, who's certainly not known for his luck. From way up above, he heard someone yell "Watch out!" He glanced up and only had enough time to scream, "It's raining men!" before whatever it was landed on him, flattening him to the ground.

"Gwarsh, Donald, do you think we killed him?" A very country-accented voice said.

"Aw, hell!" a more nasally tone snorted. "Don't tell King Mickey!"

"Who's…King Mickey?" Sora mumbled as his vision cleared and his head stopped spinning.

"AHH!" The other two people yelled (which actually weren't people, Sora noticed, but rather animals). "Quick, Goofy, knock him out!"

The one named Goofy was about to do just that until Sora quickly held up his hands. "Whoa! I come in peace! And…you guys talk. What kind of acid trip am I on?"

The two looked at each other and shrugged. The duck stepped forward and proudly proclaimed himself Donald. The two-legged dog said he was Goofy.

In no time at all, they were best of buds, frolicking with each other as though they had grown up together and putting flowers in each others hair and skipping around in circles as they held hands.

This is my lazy way of writing out their friendship montage.

Sometime later, Goofy and Donald revealed that they had traveled there to Traverse Town via a 'Gummi ship.'

"You mean you can eat it?" Sora asked hopefully. Mmm…gummi bears…

Even Goofy, the slightly slower one of the two, gave Sora as disbelieving stare. "Gee, Donald, I think this one might be one fry short of a happy meal."

Donald nodded to him, then turned to Sora. "There's a guy here by the name of Cid who's taking a look at it now since it was having some issues on the way over. He should be done now though." He led the way back to the first district and into a large warehouse with a port for other aircraft.

"Heya, there!" The man named Cid greeted them. He too had a hick accent so strong it made Sora cringe. As if this weren't enough, the man kept a toothpick in his mouth at all times. "This beauty 'erre is 'bout ready, I reckon," he said, patting the Gummi ship. "Gotta tell ya folks though, flyin' this baby is gonna be one sweet ride now. Made a lot of changes in configuration, so take this manual and make sure you read it carefully to ensure you understand the updates."

He gave Goofy a huge phone-book sized tomb. Goofy handed it to Donald who handed it to Sora. "We can't read English," Goofy explained.

_But…you can speak English. Where the hell are these creatures from? _Sora opened the book, turned it sideways flip-book style, and quickly leafed through the pages. Two seconds later, he tossed it over his shoulder and said "Done!" before hopping into the cockpit and taking the captains chair.

The other two got in the seats behind him and with wide-eyed wonderment, Sora watched as the hatch closed. Cid stood to the side and gave them a strong salute. Sora returned it, then got his 'game face' on as he hit what he could only hope was the ignition.

Speaking of only hoping…"Sora, you've never flown a spaceship, have you?" Goofy asked.

"Meh. I've played Star Fox. Can't be too different."

Donald looked at Goofy and together, they both quickly scrambled out of their chairs to claw desperately at the glass to get out. Just at that moment, Sora hit another button and the craft shot forward, throwing them all the way to the back.

"Whoo-hoo!" Sora shouted with his eyes closed in glee.

"Watch where the hell you're going!" Donald screamed, trying to crawl his way back to the front of the ship.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Sora told them. He opened his eyes and began to dodge meteors that were floating toward him. "Asteroid belt! Awesome!"

"No, _not _awesome! And we have incoming attacks from behind," Donald squawked at him again.

Goofy managed to get back to his feet and climbed up a ladder to a top hatch of the ship. From there, he loaded a chain of bullets into a gun and began to fire. "Gwarsh, say hello to my little friend!"

Sora didn't want to give the enemies a chance to hit them though and sent the spaceship into a series of spins. "Do a barrel roll!" he giggled as he continuously let the ship flip. Donald was flung around like a ragdoll since he wasn't secured into a spot, crashing mercilessly into whatever other loose objects there were.

Finally, up ahead, the duck was able to make out the familiar form of the world belonging to Disney Castle. "Land—ouch!—here," he commanded.

"Okay!" Sora told him in a voice way too chipper to mean anything good. Going in at speeds over 300 mph, he put the Gummi ship at a completely vertical nosedive. "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"We're all gonna die!" Goofy and Donald could be heard screaming in the background.

At the absolute last minute, Sora pulled out of the nose dive and as perfectly as though he'd trained for this moment his entire life, he settled down gently on the green grass. "Tada! C'mon, you guys know I'm totally awesome!"

The instant the hatch was opened, Donald fell out and threw up on the ground, as did Goofy.

"Ugh. Well, um…you guys just can't handle my skills," he said with much less conviction.

He was about to hop out himself when he noticed two large brown creatures that hadn't been there before. Or had they?

"Oh my god, you guys have a major rat infestation!" He screamed out before giving the creatures a major boot to the ass off of the aircraft. They disappeared somewhere over the horizon.

"Chip! Dale!" Donald screamed after them, watching as they went. Turning to Sora, he screamed, "You idiot! Those were our navigators! How else are we going to find our way around?"

"Tch, GPS, duh!" Sora told him.

Donald face-palmed. "Garmin doesn't work in space, you nincompoop!"

"Oh. Heh-heh…"

Completely enraged, Donald threw himself at the boy. Goofy stepped in to hold him back and the rest of the castle came out to watch the battle, starved for entertainment that wasn't G rated.

It would be many worlds before the trio finally warmed up to one another.

* * *

So Sora drives like a mad-man, xD! But it wasn't until not too long ago that the thought occurred to me that a fifteen year old boy is driving a space craft. Screw years of training for NASA, people! Pfft, who needs that! Just get in a gummy ship! It's so easy, Sora can use it! (which is saying something) ^_^


	12. Magically Delicious

Ahh, the BBS-ness is going awesomely ^_^ But I have to warn you guys…they screwed up in voice acting again. Poor Aqua got the Aerith treatment. She's not quite as bad, but wow, they dropped the ball on her. Which epically sucks because I always imagined Aqua to be a slightly-less maniacal version of Larxene, as in just as strong of a personality (since not in cruelty). Also, Vanitas isn't so terrific in my eyes. Sora's voice actor is his and while Haley Joel Osment is great with sounding like an innocent do-gooder (ahem, Sora!), I'm not so sure if being evil suits him. Sounds just a tad corny around the edges, ya know?

And I hate Hot Topic. Oh yes. I said it. Why? Because the online store had KH blankets on sale. And guess who has IBS? No, not Irritable Bowel Syndrome! I have Impulsive Buying Syndrome! Like with the Axel plushie, the Akuroku (now too small) jacket, wallscrolls, the PSP for Birth By Sleep, and loads of other stuff, I hit the damn button and I bought the stupid thing. -_-'' _That's _why I hate them, for carrying KH merchandise. KH is breaking my bank account…

Meh, long ramble and yet I didn't even say what really needs to be said here. This, my friends, is the last chapter to Idiosyncrasies. I know there are hella more issues one could find with KH, but I'll let someone else cover them, xD! So with that said, enjoy the end!

**

* * *

Magically Delicious!**

_ Man-oh-man, am I happy to be back, _Axel thought to himself as he moved a shoulder in a circle to ease out the tension. _Who knew killing could be so much work? And it was about damn time _someone _finally offed Vexen! Heh…kinda happy it was me. _

He headed to the topmost floor to speak with Saix, who had, supposedly on Xemnas' orders, sent him there to annihilate the traitors. When he reached Seven's office, he knocked once before pushing it open.

Saix was staring intently at a book, looking something up. He only barely glanced at Axel as he continued to read. "I'll take it that the mission was a success? We figured you too had perished with the others."

"Ha, you can't be rid of me that easy," Axel chuckled. "The traitor turned out to be Marluxia. Kinda explains why he had such an unhealthy fascination in Keyblades and especially Roxas."

Saix's hair was cascading over his shoulders and shadowing his face, making it hard to tell if that really was a snort of laughter Axel heard from him. "I see," the man replied with only the barest hint of humor in his voice.

Axel rolled his eyes, then took a closer look at whatever it was that the man was reading. "Wait a sec…is that…the dictionary?" Next to Vexen, Saix' vocabulary was astounding. What did he need a dictionary for?

"Er…yes. Say, you wouldn't happen to know what the word mo…moti…" The Diviner trailed off, struggling to pronounce the word.

"Um, motivation?" Axel suggested.

"Yes, that's it! Motivation! What's that mean?"

Axel had to wonder if he was serious. His ex-best friend actually looked…_adorable _with confused eyes as he truly wondered what it meant. "Saix. You honestly don't know what motivation means?"

Saix frowned and went back to the book. "Roxas and Xion mentioned working together because it would provide them with more motivation. I asked them what motivation meant but they never told me. I asked Xemnas, but he told me to ask Zexion. I asked Zexion, but he told me to look it up. I'm looking it up but I can't even spell the damn word to know if I have the right definition!"

Oh the humanity. Axel sighed. "Motivation, M-O-T-I-V-A-T-I-O-N, got it memorized?" And with that, he cast a portal and left, missing Saix's cry of glee of finally finding the word.

~.~.~.~.~

"I…I think we met our quota for the day," Roxas panted as he leaned on his knees. "Between the two of us, we're supposed to collect about 1000 hearts a day." _Boy, there are a lot of evil people in the world! _He gave a weak smile to Xion and said, "C'mon, let's go sit on top of the clock tower."

"We don't have any munny today for ice cream," Xion lamented, holding out her empty pockets. "Piss poor again," she sighed.

"Eh, don't worry about it. We'll just enjoy the sunset."

"Tch, yeah, _that's _interesting," Xion mumbled as she followed behind him. On the tower, she sat down in her usual spot on Roxas' left and stared out at the sun.

Roxas also seemed a bit put-off and searched his pockets desperately to find any amount of munny. He in fact did come up with a bit of change, just enough to buy one ice cream. A dark side of him that wasn't too hard to find really wanted to say screw Xion and let himself have a treat…

"Yo!" A voice called from behind them. It couldn't be…could it? No, not…

"AXEL!" Roxas shouted out, getting up and running to him. He glomped the man's waist in a tight hug. "I thought you were dead! That's what Saix kept saying, everyone at CO was terminated but you're alive! I'm so happy! Can a Nobody be happy? Well, I'm something! Axel, oh Axel…"

Axel shuddered in horror as he saw the hints of Sora showing in Roxas. He had seen the way the Keyblader at the castle had reacted over seeing his friend Riku (which was really just the replica). Even as a Nobody, Roxas had inherited those emotions.

What really made it worse was the hooded person sitting on the ledge, watching them. He couldn't see their face, but he was willing to bet they hadn't blinked at all during the entire exchange. Creeeeepy….

"Roxas, I'm fine. Boy, everyone seems to think I'm just pathetically weak or something! Only one that might be able to beat me is Demyx and Demyx is too stupid to figure that out," he told him. He unwrapped the arms from around his waist and flopped down on the ledge.

A resounding _crack _rang through the air.

"MY ASS!" Axel screamed, falling backwards on the ledge. "Oh my god, my lack of an ass hurts! Why? Why don't I have any cushion back there?"

"Your huge hips sucked it all up?" Roxas ventured.

Axel was going to say something snappish in reply, but thought about it. "You're actually probably right."

"Here, I have an elixir. It's past its expiration date, but it should do the trick." Roxas handed him the bottle and Axel gratefully downed it. Smacking his lips, he sat back up as though nothing had happened.

"That hit the spot. Now, what's a sunset without ice cream?" He reached behind him and held up two ice cream bars. "Would've gotten another for your creepy friend over there, but I didn't know you'd made a new friend while I was gone."

"Axel, that's Xion," Roxas told him pointedly.

"Wha? Ohhh, right, right! Forgot we had a fourteenth member. Wow, it's been about two months and she still hasn't shown her face?"

"I can see her just fine. Can't you?"

Axel stared at Xion long and hard. The girl stared back. Axel narrowed his eyes at her. She bored into him with darkness. Axel flinched and looked away and thus she won the staring contest. "Look, she looks like an occult leader. Say what you will, but I'm not seeing anything."

"Axel! She has black hair and blue eyes!" Roxas shouted, pointing at her. "You've got to be _blind _to not see her face!"

"Hey, I don't see a damn thing!" Axel yelled back at him. "Now if you drew your new living-doll girlfriend a face, so be it, but don't expect the rest of us to actually imagine it's there as well."

"My…_girlfriend?_" Axel hadn't been back for more than half an hour and already Roxas was having an argument with him. It fact, it was their first argument…and about Xion, of all things.

"Axel…can we be friends?" The girl suddenly asked.

"Uh…um…I guess?" Axel wasn't sure how to respond to that.

Suddenly, her hood disappeared and her face showed. It was just as Roxas described it. Well slap his ass and call him Sally! And yet…it didn't make sense. He _knew _the hood had been up. And yet Roxas seemed completely sure that it wasn't. How had Roxas been seeing her when he couldn't?

"It would seem that others see me the way they want to see me," Xion explained, as though reading his thoughts. "Xigbar calls me 'Poppet' but I know it's really a lie. I'm a puppet to him. Everyone else barely even bothers with me so they all see a hooded doll. But you and Roxas actually took the time to recognize my existence. For that, you're able to see my face."

Axel blinked, then took a bite of his melting ice cream. "I'll try to act like that makes sense," he said.

Xion shrugged, then reached in her pocket and pulled out an ice cream too. Roxas' eyes popped open as he raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were broke?"

Shrugging again, she said, "I've had this one on me for awhile, saving it for a rainy day."

"It's ice cream! You can't just 'save it for a rainy day'! And…you pulled it out your pocket at that!"

"Axel pulled his out his ass. Why don't you ask him how he did that?" Xion suggested.

Roxas stared at Axel. "What?" The man said. "I magically produce ice cream. All Kingdom Hearts characters can do it."

Farther down the ledge, Olette was presenting Hayner and Pence three bars of ice cream as well, just as naturally as she breathed. The boys delightfully took them, never questioning their appearance.

Axel continued. "In this world, revenge-ridden scientists love ice cream, ducks can make it, sea-salt ice cream never melts if it's kept in a box in the middle of a pitch-black area, ice cream can be pulled from pockets and most especially out the ass."

Roxas stared down at his own ice cream, wondering just how many ass-flavored treats from Axel had he eaten? Suddenly, it didn't look appealing anymore. "Um…I think I'm good today," he mumbled, and handed it back.

"Y'sure? Alright, more for me!" Axel went back and forth, licking both of them.

With a queasy stomach, Roxas simply concentrated on the red rays of the sunset.

* * *

Anyone read the 358/2 Days manga? I'm not a manga fan considering I like actual paragraphs when I read, but the manga is great for laughs. I sort of copied some parts from there in the beginning of this chapter so homage to that. I think my favorite part of the manga so far is the way the Dusks treated Roxas during his time of being unconscious…oh, and Axel's total apathy toward Vexen! Ahh, it's just the way I always loved to imagine the Organization. ^_^

Anywho, I had loads of fun pointing out the craziness of the game. I'm not sure what my next project is going to be since school is picking up and sucking out my creativity. No, it's not the end of KH for me (I say that because last time I finished a big story was for Death Note and then I just totally swapped fandoms). I just need some time to get the creative juices flowing, xD!

Till the next time, ja ne!


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